Crate O' Sheep and other fluffy things

Wheat Free!

2009-02-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

So, I am attempting to go as wheat free as possible. (for weight loss and TTC reasons) At first I thought this sounded a bit daunting and a near impossible task but I am finding that it is not so hard as it seems - and if you don't mind spending a little bit extra, you can pretty much eat as you normally would!

Now, I have also been meaning to use some of my new silicone cookwear that I got for Christmas! We always end up having a few bananas around that go brown, so banana bread is usually something that I end up putting together for a quick something yummy! I got some lovely silicone cupcake liners (which are so perfectly non-stick!) and figured I could just make banana muffins with them instead! But...wheat free? All the wheat free recipes seemed a bit much - so many ingredients with so many strange names to them...Hmm... Well, and surprisingly so, our Tesco actually sell wheat free self-rising flour...it includes all those strange many ingredients my recipes call for! Rather simple really! I figure I can pretty much make any thing with that that calls for flour, replacing it with the wheat free flour instead!

And they came out perfect! - They cook faster too! They came out so fluffy and moist! I am hooked. Think I will stick with the wheat free flour from now on, even if I don't stick with going wheat free!!!

Magicland!

2009-01-21T08:54:00.000-08:00

Today we went to Magicland with our local home edders. It was a unique (as we don't go often) opportunity for Duncan to explore through play, gaining confidence and self-esteem and just plain having fun! - (Its fun for the adults too ;) :p) Lunch first!
Going up
Balancing act
Tube
Crawling

ClimbingOver...
Ball pool!

Through...

This is fun mum!

The Spontaneous 'Unschooler'...

2009-01-19T06:20:00.000-08:00

This morning we woke up and had our breakfast. I then washed up and cleaned the kitchen as well as the fridge (my Monday morning task - the only 'planned' activity of the day :p) whilst Duncan watched a new DVD of his - Cars. After this I figured we could do some exercise. I have a video that I got from a chairty shop - I feel I could stand to lose some weight. Duncan happily joined me (and learned a few dance moves as well hehe). Then it got rather sunny outside so I figured we could throw on some clothes and go out front to play and tidy away all the soggy leaves from autumn. It then started to rain and despite it being cold, neither of us felt cold. Then something amazing happened... There were rainbows everywhere on the ground where DH parks his car. This turned into a science lesson of the day as Duncan wanted to know where the rainbows came from so I explained it to him. Whether or not he understood is another thing - but he did enjoy the explanation and was satisfied enough with the answer to end the lesson there (though I imagine that this will not be the only time the topic comes up and as he gets older and understands more, he may lead the lesson further himself) - but we then learned what happens when it rains a lot and how the rainbows wash away as well. Despite the rain and getting wet and being cold, we had a lovely time outside this morning (and the leaves are all cleaned up!) - and all because of spontinaeity!

Acceptance letter!

2009-01-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

I got my acceptance letter in the post on the 14th of Jan (so only a few days ago!)! - This means that my naturalisation application has been accepted! - Only two more steps to go now. Today I got my invitation to my citizenship ceremony (step one)...and then I can apply for a British Passport (step two - the last step)! - Yay!!!

Another television

2009-01-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

Well...I never wanted to be that parent. The parent who had another seperate television for their child in the childs bedroom. I figured, why? Surely it would only lead to more television watching time and eventually just plain anti-social behaviour within the family (and all the other horrible things about too much television watching such as obesity, lower I.Q. etc etc). I certainly do not want to be the parent who has a child I never see or talk to because they are always upstairs in their bedroom glued to the tele! But I see now, that it is down to the child really. I mean...just because you have another television for them (in a seperate room of the house) does not mean that they will always watch it. It also does not mean that it will turn them into a zombie television child either. It also does not mean that you have to be more controlling about television watching time either!
We gave it a practice run at Grandmas house. We always go up there for Christmas holiday - usually about two weeks. The thing is though, television at Grandmas house is always what Grandma wants to watch. But they have a television in the guest bedroom (the bedroom that Duncan and I share whilst we are there - DH sleeps in his sisters old bedroom because the guest bedroom bed is not big enough for us all) that is just a television to watch videos on (it works for nothing else) so before we went up there, I pre-recorded all his favourite shows on some VHS for him so he could watch it anytime he wanted on the television in the bedroom whilst we were up there. I figured, he would be up there all day watching tele. I also figured that it would prove to be an 'issue' at bedtime...
I was wrong! I was amazed actually! It took me by surprised... Duncan watched much less tele (a few hours of the course of the two weeks we were up there, instead of the few hours of tele he would normally watch in a day) whilst we were up there with that arrangment. This is mostly because the 'living' room (rightly named so) is the room that we all spend the most time in - so whilst he enjoys tele every now and then, he would rather be having fun with family than up in a room watching tele. At night, I simply unplugged the television and he never asked for it then.
Another 'issue' was also solved...I could (when Grandma was not watching her shows) watch what I wanted to watch (instead of having nothing but Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on tele all day long! hehe) - which Duncan also sometimes watched as well giving him a bit more variety than he normally would choose from (we are everyday learning about taking turns and generosity and that sometimes, maybe Mummy or Daddy would like to have 30 mintues to watch something of their choosing on the television and not Mickey Mouse all day long! hehe We are getting there slowly, and consensually as best we can!).
So maybe it wouldn't work out this way for another child in another family, but it seems to have worked out wonderfully in our family with the child that we do have. So today - I just won (on ebay of course! hehe) a little television of our own that we will have in a cabinet in our bedroom that Duncan can watch during the day if he wishes. It will be his television (its a little 14 inch tele/VHS combo - so will only be able to be used for videos) and the television in the living room will remain for family watching (which means that it will be off most of the day!).
One day I am sure we can pass it on to another person, and if it turns any of us into a zombie, then I will not hessitate to find it a new home a.s.a.p! - but I think for now it will work great into our family life. I may be crunchy, but I am not television free crunchie!

It snowed!

2009-01-06T06:20:00.000-08:00

It snowed yesterday...not a lot but enough! I do not really like snow (it's cold and wet and I just do not like it!)...but, Duncan loved it! A mothers love and self sacrafice and all of that...meant I had to stand outside for hours so he could play with the stuff! I got some good photos though! No snow today, but what was left over (most of it had all melted by three in the afternoon yesterday) has frozed into something hard and unpleasant! Ick!

Muck in on the action!

My beautiful boy enjoying himself!

Our little Frosty!

Getting in the Christmas spirit!...

2008-12-15T12:01:00.000-08:00

Our friends, Ed&Karen (whom I lived with for a short while as a child), from America sent us this Gingerbread House Kit for Christmas this year! So today we set about making the Gingerbread house (which we will set about eating after Christmas hehe)! We had a lot of fun making it (I did all the icing bits and Duncan did all the sweetie bits!) - and there is loads of icing left over we have also had a lot of fun eating! hehe

We are very proud of it! :D

Meet Duncan

2008-11-18T04:44:00.000-08:00

This is something that I never really talk about in depth. We have no official diagnosis for my son, but I do feel, and am positive to say, that he has sensory processing disorder (SPD or SID), and possibly an ASD (PDD-NOS is where my feelings are at presently). So I thought I would write this little (well okay, not little, but it certainly can not give you the whole picture as I would like it to) titbit about him! It is also a way for me to get it all down – my reasoning behind my suspicions. So: Meet Duncan…
Hello my name is Duncan and I am 3 years old. I was born on September the 19th 2005. I was 57cm long and 10lbs 4.5oz. Because of my size and the fact that I was complete breech presentation inside my mummy, I was born via caesarean section in Bristol at St. Michaels Hospital at 15:55 that Monday afternoon. I was born into bright surgical lights (that’s all my mummy could see when I was born!). My mummy is convinced that this is why I am fascinated by lights or anything bright. She jokes and says I am half moth! They ventoused my butt to get me out and I received vitamin K orally. I cried instantly at ‘birth’ – was immediately whisked away to be cleaned and checked over and weighed and then was handed to my Daddy. My mummy cried the minute she saw me. She fell instantly in love.
The hospital had to lend us some clothing as the clothing my Daddy and Mummy brought for me was too small to fit me! I went straight into 3-6 month clothing because I was so big! (Mummy did not have gestational diabetes, she was guessing big but not that big!) I was a very strong baby and this was noticed right away! I could already hold my head up without much support and I loved to be held under my arms where I could stand up on my legs. Grandma was very impressed at how strong my legs were! (When I was month old, I could scoot across the floor if placed on my tummy by pushing myself forward with my toes!) Everyone though Mummy was going to have a ‘fast one’ on her hands – whatever that meant.
We had some trouble breastfeeding because I was born with a tongue tie (as was my Daddy and Mummy as well – you see, it’s a genetic thing!) and Mummy did not get the advice and help she needed with that – So my mummy pumped for me. I had a bit of reflux but nothing major. I was a very ‘sucky’ baby. Sucking constantly offered me comfort. My mummy was not sure how she felt about dummies but she needed her fingers (and ears and eyebrows and whatever else I could get my sucking grip on!) back. Mummy was also very good at meeting my basic needs. Because of this, I always came across as a very placid and content baby. Mummy was blessed with me as I also only ever woke once in the night for a feed – I never cried though.
I did not like to be held though. I did not like being constricted. Mummy spent a lot of money on baby sleeping bags for me because they were all the talk and recommendation from all the mums, but I could not wear them. I could not stand them! I also was a very hot baby. Mummy called me a little furnace! I would overheat very easily, and as I also suffered from minor eczema, heat rash just made it worse! Because of this, I was still wearing T-Shirts and trousers in December! (people must have thought Mummy was neglectful because of this as all the other babies we knew were in snowsuits from the moment they woke up to the moment they went to bed!, but she was just listening to my needs and paying attention to my body!)
I gave up my dummy shortly after I turned two years old – all on my own. This was because I only wanted the one dummy and would not have any other dummy in the entire world. But sadly, I chewed my dummy to bits and became dangerous to have it in my mouth. However, sucking and chewing on things still comforts me and relaxes. I am often putting things in my mouth still and my Mummy still has the ‘teethers’ out for me (I had all my teeth by two – they came in fast and in large groups!).
At three months, I had my first vaccinations. Everything changed from there. That night I started crying and could not stop for hours, no matter what Mummy and Daddy tried to do for me. It was like no other cry I have cried before. It was a very high shrill pitched cry. It was also very unlike me – remember, I was the placid content baby. This cry was caused from the vaccine that caused a swelling in my brain. It is named 'the encephalitic cry’. We no longer vaccinate.
After this vaccine, I did not seem as alert. I seemed to slow down in my development. I also then suffered from sever reflux. Mummy had to start me on solids much sooner than she would have liked to. I was big and a hungry baby, having 11oz every 2 hours (boy could my Mummy pump for me!) But I was starting to lose weight rapidly due to the reflux. I went from 20lbs at 15 weeks of age down to 17lbs at 17 weeks of age. Some solids helped to keep the milk down and I started to gain steadily again.
I was not a ‘fast one’ as everyone predicted. In fact, though I did not hit my milestones so late that there was cause of worry, I did hit my milestones much later than most other babies my age. I was just taking my time I guess, but I still always managed to just about worry Mummy and Daddy and then I would surprise them at the last possible moment. For example, I did not sit up until I was 10 months of age. I took my first steps (3 of them!) at 16 months of age but then not another single step until a few months later. I am also a perfectionist. My parents chalk up my late development to me wanting to get it just right before I ever bothered trying. I never waved 'hello' or 'bye-bye'. (and still struggle with that one!)
However, despite the fact I did not develop physically fast or ‘average’, I was ahead in other areas. This is when Mummy started to notice how different I was to all the other babies my age, younger and older. I was not like other boys to start with. Mummy says I am just very cautious. I have not an ounce of ‘boisterous’ in me. I have no interest in climbing and crawling and jumping all over things. I am very sensitive. I would often, and still do, go into my own world where I seem ‘untouchable’ – Daddy calls it my ‘brick wall’. I also liked to spend hours doing one tedious thing quietly on my own. I liked to line up my blocks and group them by colour at just 8 months of age. I still like to line up my toys and put them in groups now and can do this for hours. I am also very interested in numbers and letters and could recognise a number or letter in written form before I could even count or say the alphabet! (a bit backwards of me! – Mummy has not met any other child who has done it that way. It is usually being able to count and say the alphabet first before written recognition, but it took me a few years to be able to do that!).
I like and need repetition. I watch the same cartoon over and over again. I like books that only have cats in them. I am often repeating myself verbally. I am quite delayed in my speech but when Mummy got a rear facing buggy for me, this helped my speech greatly. I often always repeat others verbally as well. I will say the same thing over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again… but Mummy can help by saying exactly what I have just said. Then I can stop myself.
I am also still very sensitive (not picky - let me make this clear right now!). As a baby, I was easily over stimulated and slept a lot. I was, and still am, very aware and sensitive to temperature. The bath water had to be just right for me (which ironically was much hotter than the suggested bath water temperature for babies) - and my food has to be room temperature or I will not eat it. I am sensitive to many different kinds of touch and sounds. I do not like to get my skin, especially my hands, wet. I do not like scratchy or constricting clothing (I do not like my hair cut - as you can see and at the moment this serves more than one purpose, one being it is something I can hide behind in 'busy' settings!). Mummy still has to feed me because I am afraid of getting something ‘wet’ on my skin and I have a hard time with motor control so it is bound to happen if I try and feed myself. This is very uncontrollably upsetting for me. Sudden loud noises also upset me. As a baby, ‘peek-a-boo’ made me cry. Noisy busy areas are also very unsettling for me. I can get rather agitated, irritated, and very angry and upset in noisy settings such as out shopping, at a playgroup, at a birthday party, and at the playground. I am also uncomfortable with people in my ‘space’ – from body language to eye contact. I get confused and this scares me. I can not think. I can not breathe. I have passed out in seemingly deep sleep before in such uncomfortable settings for me.
I want so much to be social able, but social settings are often too overwhelming for me. When excited, I show signs of ‘hand flapping’ – though no longer as much as I used to. I am unsure how to approach and play with others which can easily upset me but I do enjoy and long for their company. I prefer quiet settings and one on one activity or solitary activity instead. My favourite game to play with my friends is running around and falling down or spinning round and round in circles. I am happy with this as long as it does not get physical (involving any touch).
I also have a hard time with transitions. Because of this, it helps for me to know what is coming up next (Mummy can help by telling me over and over again and giving me visual props). Mummy tries to stick to a schedule for me so that my day can be predictably comfortable. If I am unaware of what is happening next, or my gears get stuck between one transition and the next, I become confused and get very upset and have a meltdown. It is very scary for me and my Mummy. But I can not help it. I often have meltdowns because I am easily frustrated and confused.
At 18 months of age, I started self harming. Mummy figured it was just a ‘terrible two’ phase. But I still do it when I am very upset and angry and sad. I started with head banging. I eventually started to bite and pinch myself. This would happen whenever I would get upset, angry, and/or frustrated. I no longer bite and pinch myself but I still head bang often. I now also shout and scream myself blue in the face. The world is a very frustrating place for me. I have so much anger and confusion inside. I can not function when I am having a meltdown and am not aware of what I am doing. It is a very confusing and scary time for me. There is no sense in trying to talk to me or comfort me during this time – I need to find my own way back.
On the outside, to any other person than my Mummy and Daddy, I may seem like a ‘normal’ little boy when I am happy – perhaps just a bit ‘shy’. When I am not happy…well…Many of my Mummy’s friends just think I am naughty and manipulative and that Mummy is just very permissive. Strangers think my Mummy ‘must have her hands full’. Mummy knows otherwise though. She knows how sensitive I am to everyday things that do not overwhelm ‘normal’ people. She knows how confusing things can be for me and how this can cause me to act in ways that I can not control. Mummy tries her best to help me become comfortable in my skin and the overwhelming world around me. We live unconditionally.
I am Duncan. (Mummy certainly can hear me roar!)

Dursley Sculpture and Play Trail

2008-11-11T12:10:00.001-08:00

We went to the Dursley Sculpture and Play Trail today with some of the home-ed group families! It was a lot of fun and it turned out to be the perfect day to go as it was dry all day and sunny! (it has been non-stop rain for the past few days..bleurgh!). So as usual, pictures speak louder than words!:

Welcome to the sculpture and play trail!

A 'friendship' ring.

Willow

Lion

Butterfly, fox family, and dragonflies.

Duncan having fun. Some caterpillars, and our art project of the day!

'Lulu' - 'The White Doggy' and Duncan!

Duncan creating with nature and having fun > The finished product! Beautiful!

Banana Bread

2008-11-09T00:57:00.000-08:00

Duncan has really taken enjoyment in helping me to bake! (and I like to do a lot of it...nothing like homemade biscuits and cakes! hehe) He loves to 'whisk'! hehe I can see many lessons in patience, following direction, maths, and chemistry coming out of this ~ not to mention, what to do with brown bananas! (see how educational everyday life can be - and practicle too of course! :p)

We made this loaf to take to our home ed group that meets up on Wednesdays! (a lesson in sharing as well! :p)

Pictures can explain the rest:

All that mixing!

In goes the banana! ~ The most important ingredient! :p

Yes - I let my son eat raw eggs :p....Here he is licking the spoon!

Not the most pretty loaf, but very yummy!

Curtain call!

2008-11-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

Finally!...I managed to make Duncan some curtains for his playhouse!

I used an old duvet cover that was yellow one side and blue the otherside, and cleverly cut across where the two joined so the curtains could be a bit more than just a plain colour.

Sewing machines and me do not exactly get along though ...so it was not pretty making these! hehe

But they look really good and Duncan seems to appreciate them - so here they are!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T14:15:00.000-07:00

DS has just fallen asleep to me reading to him for the first time but he has good reason to be very tired! We just got back from 'trick or' treating' with his friend Rhys. The boys has a great time and got a good lot of sweeties as well! So of course, here are some pictures of our evening! :D

Our house all decorated. This year we carved four pumpkins!

DS with his face paint on. I thought I would give it a try but I know how sensitive he is and I was not allowed to take it any further!

My little black cat boy!

Halloween Smiles!

The boys out 'Trick or' Treating'!!! - Having a good time running about and getting sweeties!

Me - DS no longer wanted to wear his ears (I saw this coming) so I was allowed to play mummy cat. Brrr - what a cold night as well!

The boys enjoying their loot! Here is Duncan in the last picture clearly enjoying it all at once - a sweetie in each hand and one in his mouth as well! hehe

What a good Halloween this year was!

Happy Halloween to everyone!!!

Hawthorn Berry Jam

2008-10-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

So - We are really starting to get into this 'Food for Free' stuff and right now there are Hawthorn berries a plenty! Did you know that you can use them in your cooking? A red berry that is edible!...Even I am learning stuff and being amazed by it all everyday! hehe

So here are some photos of Duncan and I making Hawthorn Berry Jam!

My Berry pickin' Boy!

Basket Full of Berry-Goodness!

Washed, boiled, and strained...

In goes the sugar.... All finished in a jar!

There are many benefits to Hawthorn berries - so get picking and making! hehe

My Little Lactivist :p

2008-09-30T05:30:00.001-07:00

Last night as I was reading my son his bedtime story (I thought I would give a chapter book a try - just alittle bit each night - so we are reading James and the Giant Peach!) he noticed, and pointed out, one of my nipples. Now, we sleep in the nude and often just laze about the house in the nude as well so it is nothing new to him...But he only saw one so he wanted to know where the other one was and then he had to find his own nipples! (can you tell why we just read a little bit at a time now? lol) He then proceeded to tell me thats where milk comes from (yes it does hehe!) but he also insisted that milk comes from his as well! He picked up his moo moo (his lovely cow) and proceeded to feed moo moo by 'nursing' him! (kinda ironic lol)...But bless his little soul! I couldn't help but laugh!...I also wished I had the camera on me at that point!...
Well this morning, I caught him nursing moo moo again and this time I did have the camera! It is just too sweet to miss!

What I really love about this is that I was unable to breastfeed him, due to his tongue-tie and lack of good advice and support with that. I however did pump for him and, once I got the advice I really needed later in his life, have always tried to re-establish a breastfeeding relationship with him. I have never been able to and I feel its probably much too late now but I have had some worries because of this. All of my friends, and a lot of them have recently had babies (broody me!), bottlefeed so Duncan has never seen breastfeeding. I was worried he would get a shock when we add another member to this family because it is not really the same as bottlefeeding - and I wouldn't want him to have those expectations. So I am glad to see my little lactivist in action (hehe), and yes...it brought a tear to my eye...I guess I really have nothing to worry about because despite all of this, I have a little lactivist in the making! I will be a proud mother to teach and show my son all these wonderful things in the world - such as breastfeeding.

Easy as Apple Pie!

2008-09-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

Today we made an apple pie. Aunt Bev's Famous Apple Pie...

It came out great! I prepared all the ingredients at my house and brought them over to our friends house to add the main ingredient...apples!... and to bake it! We used the fresh home grown apples from her apple tree to make this pie. It's so yummy!

Birthday Party Boy!

2008-09-14T01:22:00.000-07:00

Well...Yesterday was Duncan's Birthday party! His official birthday is on the 19th of this month (thats September)...he will be a whole THREE years old!!! Where has the time gone?...(and how often to mothers say that phrase? lol). So yesterday we had his party! (as I like to have his party before his actual birthday which is always between my birthday and his and happened, yesterday - the 13th to be exact, to be on my birthday! - Happy 24th Birthday to me! :p). The party went well this year! We had it at the Cam Congregational Church (the same church that I clean during the week)...So here are some photos! First...the Cake! (I made it myself - a Vegan chocolate cake ...you wouldn't believe it if you tasted it...its lush! - but thats because I use 'Green&Blacks' products...YUM!).

..........And now for the party! Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Party Theme:

Making the Pizzas (my party 'play' idea - all the children got their own dough pizza bases and got to load them up with a variety of their own toppings - Fun! - the adults seemed to enjoy it as much as the children!)

Eating their pizzas!

Some more guests arrive! (Sonia and her family - including Duncan#2! hehe)

Pass the Parcel! (UK party standard ...lol)

Extra baby love...(I am in love! - Loving holding Sonja's little girl Meg in the RS! - She is so content to be held as any baby would! - 8 Weeks old today!)

Happy Birthday to you Duncan!

My Personal "Quote"

2008-08-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, I was laying there with my son as he was going to bed (I lay with him until he falls asleep) and rolling over thoughts in my head. My Sister-in-law and her boyfriend will be TTC soon. This thought scares me a variety of reasons, some of them personal and some of them practical. ...When a thought came into my head: Why do I care so much? Why should I care?
I have decided that a good gift to get her would be some books. You know, those 'parenting' type. I think I can better deal with my own personal issues on the matter if I can at least give her some of my thoughts and feelings in a thoughtful way regarding the matter. I think a nice sling would be a wonderful gift as well. Both gifts I would have loved to have recieved on finding out I was pregnant with my son...Shame no one ever did and I had to learn the hard way though.
So here it is...and it pretty much sums it all up for me. And then it occured to me that this is my very own 'personal quote'. Maybe one day people will remember me by it!...Who knows...

"I guess I care so much about how a baby is brought into the world and how they are then brought up in it because, although I have made many a mistake in my life, I never had any regrets until I became a parent" ~ Ann Harrison

Walkabout

2008-08-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

Duncan and I have taken up the goal of going out for a walk everyday. Regardless of the weather! This has proven to be interesting yet very fun! It also feels wholesome and healthy and not to mention educational! hehe...

We have manged to get Duncan a nice light wind and rainproof jacket which is working wonerfully! (unfortunatly not pictured) The next step is to get him some waterproof dungarees and some type of waterproof shoe that he will wear as he does not like the feel of wellies. Though I am hoping that because he can understand more this year, that if I get myself some wellies, perhaps he will also show some interrest or at least tolerate some wellies as they seem the cheapest option and the easiest 'waterproof shoe' to find!

(yes - I know he needs a haircut! hehe)

On Toddler harnesses/reins/leashes/etc...

2008-08-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

My thoughts.
Because these come up in debate often among parents of young children! You get those that love them so much so they also claim their children love them so much they run to fetch their ‘harness’ every time they wish to leave the house for some ‘walkies’…and then you get those that hate them so much so they wish they were never invented because they think they are evil!
My opinion on them is not really in the ‘middle’. I am not against them, but I do feel they are overused, often used in appropriately, and are not for our family. Do I judge when I see one in use? Of course I do, we are all judgmental people if you don’t like to admit that you are! Am I nasty about it? Of course not! – I usually always keep my judgmental thoughts to myself because there is no need to be rude about the way other people choose to live if it not affecting you, not to mention things are never black and white and I have no right to comment on someone else’s actions that do not affect me if I do not know the full story because sometimes there might just be the need for a toddler harness such as the single mother with triplets or the family with a severely autistic child. This is not our family though.
Someone once put it this way:
“I personally am philosophically opposed to using a leash and harness. I feel it creates an imbalance of power and the illusion of freedom. I don't like the message of control it sends because I feel my job as parent is to shepherd, not control.”

I guess you could say this sums up how I feel about the use of them for our family and why I have chosen not to use one – and perhaps why I couldn’t bring myself to buy one in the first place! For us, a 'harness' would mean 'I do not trust you' - and trust and how we choose to parent (we live consensually - at least we try our best!!! hehe) go hand in hand. I chose to trust my child. Sometimes this is easier said than done though.

We had to work with my son on this. He was not just born the perfect ‘easy’ child you may seem to think you see on the outside. We did a lot of practice! I have been tempted a few times when Duncan started to walk to buy a harness. I often hear, in argument for the toddler ‘harness’ that they had an early walker that could not understand ‘do not run out into the road’ or a toddler who was language delayed. We had the language ‘issue’ as well. Duncan was not an ‘early’ walker, in fact he was later than most but he does have a language delay. In fact, both the language and physical delay he shows is down to his ‘special need’ – the fact he has SPD and PDD-NOS. He also did not understand ‘do not run out into the road and stay away from creepy looking men who want to kidnap you’…When I suggest ‘working’ with the child, I do not merely suggest sitting them down and having a nice long chat with them about the importance of not running into the road and them staying where you can see them at all times when in a busy crowded area like the carnival. During my times of temptation, I was looking for an easy way out. I was tired of having to chase after my son and in being in fear of his safety but if I gave in to my temptation, I would have being saying to my son ‘I do not trust you so I must restrain you’. However, I realise now that during these times the fault was not in my son but in our relationship and connection.

Working with our son took months. It meant a lot of practice. It meant going to areas that gave the illusion of being ‘unsafe’ when in fact I knew them to be safe. For example, the park – a very large park, but one that perhaps is not busy and that you know is away from the motorway. We also went to the camping shop on the weekend. Hardly anywhere is there on a Sunday for example but the place is full of fun things, like tents, that a child may be temped to run off and/or wander off away from you and out of your sight and reach. But because you know they are safe in this jungle and there is no way for them to hurt themselves accidentally, you do not have to panic. This takes a lot of trust and creativity on your part, the parent. You can build up and then try again somewhere else. Eventually we moved on to the supermarket on a day that was quiet (instead of the busy weekend) and then eventually we moved on to talking walks along shallow streams, along quiet country roads, etc. Working working working and just plain lots of practice in a way that was not controlling and was consensual…until it stuck!

Things were going smoothly and then we started to have problems again. Every time we went shopping at Tescos he would run off down a different isle and all over the store where I could not see him and I feared for his safety. Not because I did not trust him, but because I do not trust strangers…the ones we call ‘kidnappers’! But this time I realised the problem was not in my son and was in our relationship and connection. After thinking about it, it occurred to me that I was expecting something from my son that he could not give me at the time. I finally realised that the problem was that we were going shopping right after a two hour playgroup before we have had lunch. My son was tired and hungry and just could not think, let alone behave in an appropriate manner to our society.

Despite my past temptations and how easily available toddler ‘harnesses’ are, because of my sons SPD, and more so in a hypersensitive way, I know he would never have let me put on of those things on him in the first place! Putting our clothes on in the morning before we leave the house is often an ordeal in itself as it is. I have also never been able to do the straps up on him when he was in the pushchair, so a toddler ‘harness’ would have been a waste of money, even if a fair try for some! Because of this, I will also point out as is often questioned of those ‘against’ toddler ‘harnesses’, that I have also never forced my son into his pushchair or into the sling or forced him to hold my hand, etc…In those situations, I have never used anything in a way that I could have used a toddler ‘harness’ for (and no, we do not babyproof). …so you see, I am not hypocritical ;) lol… On a more serious note though, I really had no choice but to work with my son on it – so I know it can be done. (I am not really saying ‘if I can do it, anyone can’ but I am pointing out that they are far overused for what they are)

This is often what I do not understand when it comes to people using a toddler harness. People will often say they plan to buy one was soon as their child takes their first step. To me, this says that before the child even has a chance that their parents do not trust them. I have to admit, I find this attitude sad and slightly lazy on the parents part.

However, someone is bound to mention that they have three children under the age of two. I would just like to point out that I do not have, nor ever will I have three children under the age of two…and let alone, I would never even suggestion having children so close together in age gap. If you have read my age gap post, you will know that I favour the larger age gap to begin with. And to be honest, if ‘controlling’ your children is the problem that you have because of the small age gap, that is your problem and not the child’s. I personally have waited until things are grounded with my first child before moving onto the second…if I had not done so, I would have had to compromise my philosophical parental beliefs and practices. Something I would not have been happy to do. So if you indeed do have many children all close together in age gap (not counting twins here) where you feel you have the strict need for the use of a toddler ‘harness’, do not feel the need to make this use of your toddler ‘harness’ your child’s desire when it was your desire to have the child. And please do not get angry at those who feel they have no need for a toddler ‘harness’ and feel that they will never use one and choose other routes of answers to the same problems because they do not have three children under the age of two. We know what it is like to have children very close together in age, trust us…this is why we have avoided it! If you are fine with your choices, the choice to have children so close together in age, if you are fine with your choice in the use of a toddler ‘harness’ and/or any other parental practices you have – you would not be so angered at those who do think that toddler ‘harnesses’ are ‘evil’. And please do not wish a ‘runner’ on us… That is just plain childish. And who is to say we did/do not have a runner? I guess I could have chalked my son up to a ‘runner’ but I chose to work with him instead of rein him in.

At the end of the day, I really do not care if, when , how or why anyone else chooses to use a toddler ‘harness’, I am just adding another post to my blog with my thought on the matter because as I said, this often comes up! I suppose I could ask though, that if you are indeed thinking of getting one for your child, that you give other avenues of practice a try first. I really do only see the toddler ‘harness’ as a ‘last resort’ when it comes to this sort of thing. You may find, that before you get to your ‘last resort’, you really had no need for one in the first place! If you can get that far, you have probably tried a bit harder than most do at least!

So...Are toddler harnesses ‘evil’? - No of course not!

Do I wish they were never invented? – No. They are there for a reason and they have been here and there throughout history. I am sure they will always have some use – bit it for those triplets of autistic child or the mother with a world record goal of 10 children under the age of 10! Lol…
Are they overused? - Yes.
Are they misused? – Yes. In fact, I think it’s because of the misuse of them people often see, that they feel that they are ‘evil’ in the first place. It’s all well and good for someone on the internet to say to me that they do in fact use them very appropriately, that they only use them as a back up whilst always holding their child’s hand and that they are constantly talking to their child about road safety and how to act appropriately according to outside surroundings and social situation, etc…But not many of us have actually ever seen a toddler ‘harness’ used in that way!
Are there other options other than toddler harnesses? Of course – as with anything! I chose a different option myself and it has worked smashingly for our family!

Missing Cat

2008-08-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

Where are you Ping?
We have not seen our first cat (a little over two years old) since Saturday morning - 16th August. That makes it four days now. We are worried. My DH made some signs that we have been putting up around near our home (I mean, how do you know what your cats radius is?...you just don't!) and he has also posted leaflets (smaller versions of the signs) through peoples doors.
This is not like our cat. Sure, he never sticks around for long...but he at least comes home for a quick bite to eat. He is also neutured, so it's not like he is on the 'prowl' or anything.
I am starting to feel sad with this cat who is missing in action. Where are you Ping?...oh where? I am starting to think something horrible has happened to him. He is such a placid cat. What if someone took advantage? Some teenagers with nothing better to do during their summer holiday? What if he got hit by a car, but only injured...crawled off somewhere to die alone? I keep hoping it is nothing that bad though. Perhaps he just got shut up in someones garage and he is fine really, just a bit desperate for escape!...
Please come home Ping. We miss you...
I hope he is alright...:(...

My son and me ~ A photo!

2008-07-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

My husband just took this photo of my son and me. I thought it was rather nice so I wanted to share it!

Today has been a lovely sunny day. We spent a lot of it outside (most of this invovled a collection of rocks and various bits of wildlife growing around our house!)...I am not wearing a bra in that photo because I decided to hand wash my bras and hang them out ot dry in the summer sun! hehe...We went to clean the main church hall this morning as it is summer holidays here now. Later in the aftertoon I cut the grass and then we popped over to see our neighbour and her little daughter who is a few months older than Duncan. They tend to get on well.
Look at the cheeky face!

Duncan

2008-07-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

A bit of an update post I guess! There has been quite a lot of activity going on with my Duncan the past few weeks. He has taken a great interest in shapes and how they fit together. I got him these wooden magnetic shapes from the chairty shop which he loves. He spends a lot of time trying to fit them together in different ways and asking me what the names of the shapes are. I love the way he says hexagon - 'hettadone' ...It's too cute! He has also taken an interrest in 3D shapes. The sphere seems to be his favourite at the moment...espeically bouncy ones! I think the majority of our day at the moment consists of playing with the ball. I am sure he is trying to improve his motor skills. He can now catch a ball with both of his hands which he was not able to do a month ago. I was rather impressed and he seems to be really loving this new ability of his!
Speaking of new abilities - we have made a letter sound connection! He has become really interrested in the first letter of a word and the sound it makes in helping to make the word what it is. We like to play this game with our play food collection. He will pick out a food - a banana say, and ask me what it is. Then he will say the first letter sound...'buh' and say 'B' for 'banana'...in a rather chuffed with himself way! Of course when hes not really sure, though that never stops him or his confidence in himself!, he will just make it up - and he can come up with some pretty crazy stuff! - I am sure he is fluent in Klingon! hehe
Of course - 'D' is for duncan!

Why we choose not to vaccinate

2008-07-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

We do not vaccinte. There are many reasons that went into this decision that I am about to go over but I first want to make it clear that this is our choice - it was an informed choice and it is what is right for our family. I am not 'anti-vaccine'. It is not my place to judge you for your choice. And you have the right to make your own choices.

Here is our story:

My DS has his first jabs at 3 months (not at 2 months simply because we were out of town the day they booked it and they couldnt get us in any earlier than that). This is the current UK vaccine schedule.
Our next child, when that times comes, will not be recieving any vaccines. I regret getting my son vaccinated (for the few that he has had), but as a parent who lives and learnes - I move on with greater knowledge and confidence in myself and my abilities.

I will start off by saying I blindly went in to get my son vaccinated. He was booked in like any other baby and I did not question it. I was given a leaflet on what the vaccines were for and what common side effects they could cause - which I read, but that was it. I have no doubt that this is what many parents do. Looking back now, I know this is not truely being 'informed'. I never bring up vaccines among my friends - its something we just dont talk about as there is no need for this sort of debating among friends (as well as many other ways we choose to 'parent')... But they have come up from time to time and my choices have been critisised and questions. I simply ask them to name only one ingredient in a single vaccine that they have let their child have...they can not name one. This is scary. So the first thing that led me to research more and actually question vaccination - instead of just blindly following - was this. The 'hey wait a mintue...' moment I suddenly had!...(the moment I acutally did start to wonder and question). I wonder how many parents, especially first time mums who have done the same as me - just went along with the flow. And I also wonder how many parents go along with the flow, against their gut instincts, simply to avoid the fear of being different. I have just got used to being different.

A few hours (after his first jab) later that day and the next, my son started screaming. It was an eerie high pitched horrible scream I have never heard from him. There was nothing I could do - and I tried it all. This was coming from a very calm, chilled, content and placid little boy. It was scary - I was scared. The scream was caused by swelling of the brain which was caused by the vax (particluarly the DTaP part) - and is known by the name of "encephalitic cry." (similar to encephalitis - but not necessairly the same thing) This also led me to research more and learn more. Sometimes this can cause notiable permanent damage. Sometimes the damage is not noticeable right away - or is not necessairly something you can for sure pin point was caused by the vaccine - Like ADD/ADHD - or SPD/SIP. My son has SPD/SIP (sensory processing/input disorder)... Maybe it was caused by this vaccine and maybe it wasnt - I will never know and millions of parents may never know.

Another reason why we do not vaccinate is because of the ingredients in vaccines. There are many nasty things, that have no safe level in a human body, that I simply do not desire to be in my own sons body. These ingredients in vaccines are poisons. This list is long and ranges from formaldehyde, antifreeze, aluminium, thimerosol, methanol, etc... The side effects of these and the potential damage they can cause once in a humans body (where they do not belong at all) is something I take seriously and am not willing to risk by having them put in my sons body.

Vaccine damage is real and so is vaccine death. This was something I had to seriously consider - and did so. If my son got the measles, we could deal with it. We just got over the chickenpox rather well - no temperature, no scratching...in fact, if you couldnt see the illnes you would have never known he had it! lol A friend son had both the measles and chickenpox at the same time - he had just turned a year old. (yes - hes fine!). But if my son was in any way damaged by a vaccine - there is nothing I can do about it. Except maybe get some government compensation for it! (oh yay money over my damaged child - that really solves everything...not). I think 'today' we are often led to believe our children will die and suffer horribly if they are not vaccinated against these diseases and catch something instead. We are so afraid of a lot of things - our children are often living in bubbles. Sterlising anything of theirs that touches the ground and could possibly make contact with their mouth. But where does this fear come from? I hear a lot of 'my mother told me...' and 'my grandmothers cousin' and 'a friend of a friend'... Maybe its true. Maybe its not. I know my husbands uncle died as a baby of measles. So if these stories are true - why? I also have a neighbour - well, she lives about 5 doors down - who has sucessfully claimed for vaccine damage caused to her daughter who is now severly autistic. Thinking about it, I know more real people harmed by vaccines themselves, than people harmed by any illness that vaccines are supposed to protect us from.

Another reason we have decided not to vaccinate is also that a lot of this fear, and information we have to try and rationalise this fear, is based on things that simply do not apply to us. We are not living in a third world country - we have clean water, access to good nutritional food, quick access to good and clean medical care - and we are simply not living in a time say 100 years ago - or even 50 years ago. Again, clean water, sanatisation, nutritional food, better medical care - and better knowledge about things. I work with the elderly on the weekend. Its so nice to talk to them and hear about their childhood. Many of the elderly I work with are in their 90s!. A lot of them have never had any vaccines and tell me stories about all the measles parties they went to as a child. Its nice to hear it from their perspective - without the scaremongering and fear attached to it.

Who is scaremongering you ask? Those who choose not to vaccinate or those who insist we all vaccinate (for the good of herd immunity)? Are your deicions based on fear or are they based on logical unbiast information and informed choices? I know that our choice not to vaccinate is not based on fear - bit if we were to continue to vaccinate, it would have been based on fear. I know who the real scaremongers are. Do you?

Another reason we have chosen not to vaccinate is that vaccinated children are not 100% protected just because of the vaccine. My son is now immunised for chickenpox - he has the natural immunity - just as I do (though I had them when I was seven!) - a vaccinated child is not immunised - they are not 'immune'. I also beileve the chemicals in vaccines do more harm to their immune systems than good - damaging them in some way. So whilst they still have a chance of getting the disease they have just been 'vaccinated' for - they now have damaged immune systems when it comes to fighting the disease. I know which I prefer - a strong healthy child with a strong healthy immune system to fight off disease as opposed to a child with a weak and damaged immune system who has, regardless of the vaccine, come in contact with the disease.

Which brings me to the disease itself. For me, it finally came down to weight up the pros and cons to injecting my son full of these chemicals - to simply letting nature take its course - would he get 'them', what would happen if he did get 'them' - the worst, the reality, etc. The pros of not getting the vaccine for our family far outweight getting them. I am also not counting at all, on the vaccination of other children to 'protect' my son from any of the diseases there are vaccines for - I will also mention here the simple fact that diseases were in decline far before the vaccines were introduced. (my stance on things like vaccines and the eradication of thigns like smallpox - which is just utter bollox). We lead a normal healthy life. He has every chance of getting any disease he comes across and a very real normal healthy fighting chance of getting over it and overcome it without any complications as any other healthy normal child - regarldess of being vaccinated!My son is simply not going to die from the measles - and neither will the next unvaccinated child.

This can lead to some autism talk. There is a lot of controversy over this though. But a recent case in America (Hannah Polling) is opening up some more information to that. This is not a reason we have chosen not to vaccinate - but, for many people, especially those who already have children on the spectrum, this is a reason they choose not to vaccinate and understandably so. Because this is not a reason we have chosen not to vaccinate - I do not know much about it, but I have no doubt that the use of chemicals in vaccines, such as thimerosol (once used mercury) are leading contributions/causes to autism.

My son is at risk of any disease - just as any child is at risk of a cold. When he is older the choice will be up to him what he wishes to put into his body. Just like with how I choose to feed him - when he is older, he may wish to go out and buy a whole packet of sausages and eat them all! That will be his choice them and his freewill to do so! If he chooses to get the vaccines when he is older, he can! A vaccinated child will have to make these decisions as well - because you will still need the 'boosters' for all these diseases for them to be even slightly effective (though their effectivness is overexaggerated as I have stated I believe in a link above). But how many people keep up on their boosters? My husband is 35 and hasnt had a single vaccination since he was a child. He is at the same risk my son is really then because of this. But at least my son hasnt had all these chemicals injected into his body (though he has had some which I regret and I do feel has done some damage) - hes young and healthy and like a young healthy child who gets over the chickenpox like it was another day, he also has a better fighting chance to get over ..say...the mumps - unlike an aging body (luckily my husband has already had the mumps - and he is far from infertile! hehe). But he had not already gained natural immunity, my husband wouldnt have as great a fighting chance as my son - I believe vaccines leave the immune system a bit damaged (all those chemicals remember), not to mention he is simply much older now (which is a good reason he got the mumps when he was young and spriteful!). ...it sort of leads to a vicious circle really, which is a shame. I am choosing to break it for our family.

Our choice to not vaccinate is not selfish or inconsiderate or irresponsible (a lot of people like to tell me it is). It was a choice that took a lot of thought, research and soul searching - like any decicion a person makes with their child, making it far from selfish, inconsiderate or remotely irresponsible. When I went in to get his first jab blindly - that was being selfish, inconsiderate and irresponsible. This is what I wish no other parent to do. Even if you choose to vaccinate your child, please do so informed! If this is something that has got your mind ticking, I would do much more research. Reliable sources from the internet are a good quick start. A lot of links above are from 'whale.to' - which is a great internet source that also has a good list of book sources as well. (because if your library is anything like mine - its small and doesnt have much! lol)

And that is why we do not vaccinate.

The Crusting over

2008-07-09T01:03:00.000-07:00

Duncan's chickenpox are starting to crust over. This means he is no longer contagious and this is pretty much the end of our chickenpox journey. They will fall off and that will be it! - Just wanted to share some photos with you so you could see what it looks like. You will also notice that the pox vary in size - some being rather big and some being rather tiny!

The time is near...

2008-07-08T06:05:00.000-07:00

My period should show up any day now - and then our TTC road begins!
I have started a new blog, which you can see here, to celebrate the journey we are about to take as a family - adding a new member to our lives. It's not a replacment blog, I just now have two blogs instead of the one - so most of my 'baby' and pregnancy talk will be in the new one!

Poxland!

2008-07-03T14:02:00.001-07:00

Well - it is day four of poxboy in poxland. We have more spots than we did at first which are more defined now because they are starting to scab up. On the second day, I counted about 70 in total...there are far too many to count now and larger numbers of them seem to be on his scalp and back!
Of course - I have the latest photos! He does look a sight but as before, he is doing well with it all! - He is a bit moany at night but as we still co-sleep I can just roll over and give him some comfort. Really though, if you could not see the illness, you would never know he had them!

He is a little poser as well for the camera and is very proud of his pox! He was happily showing me his back and face in the bath tonight when I got my camera out letting me know that he has the 'chickey box' hehe

We have the pox!!!

2008-06-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Finally!...And just Saturday I was telling a friend that this was the third time I have exposed him and he still has not got the chickenpox and that I do not think he will ever get them! Everyone kept telling me he was immune. Well, he certainly has something! - I have no doubt he has a very strong immune system! But we finally have the pox! Thirteen days after his last exposure to them - Not many though, I have counted about 15 so far...but the pox are the pox! He has been doing really great with them as well. If you couldn't see the illness, I would never know he had it!

Here are some photos from this morning - the first spots I saw!

Tonight we had a good bath in bicarbonate soda and camomile tea to help with any itching as well as some rhus tox (homeopathic) to help with the itching as well. He is showing no sign of a fever but has not eaten much today - which of course is to be expected! hehe...Yay natural immunity!

Elimination Communication

2008-06-25T02:26:00.000-07:00

This is something that is close to my heart. I was not going to post about it on my blog until I had another baby (as my son is already a ‘grad’) but it came up on another forum that I used and this is the reply that I gave about it so I might as well recycle it and post it here now. But in order for you understand what I am about to say…take a deep breath and prepared to be open minded…also, feel free to read the links provided – I think this post will be full of them and all the links will probably be able to better say what I am trying to! hehe

We practiced EC – That’s elimination communication. It is also known as ‘Natural Infant Hygiene’ or ‘Infant potty training’. The first thing to realise is that it is not potty training. It is no more ‘potty training’ than putting a nappy on your child is ‘nappy training’. If you think of it as potty training, then you won’t understand the rest. This is very hard for a lot of people to get their heads around and I don’t blame you in our society that is just riddled with nappy merchandise for new parents!...

When my son was about a week old, I remember my Mother-in-law telling me how this is the age that she started to ‘potty train’ her children. Yeah…I thought she was crazy too. But I was curious so I asked her how she did that. She said she held them over some toilet paper or the toilet or a small bucket when they needed to go. I asked how she knew they needed to go and didn’t they just pee and poo all over the place then if she didn’t use nappies? She said…’I just knew’….. It wasn’t until my son was a few weeks old that I finally understood what she meant by that.

We started EC when my son was a few weeks old, but I did not know that’s what it was called at the time – or that that is what we were doing. We used cloth nappies throughout (there is no reason why you can not use nappies at the same time as doing EC – cloth nappies are a nice backup) – I bought them before my son was born, I figured they would save us money in the long run (and they sure did – my husband did the maths and they started paying off when my son was about 9 months old…even with the washing and electricity used, etc – they saved us about £500 in the long run than using disposables would have…which is good as we are not rich lol…though the cloth nappies proved to have many other benefits as well!) – When my son was a few weeks old I realised that he was a bit consistent with his evening pee and poo. The first few times it happened in his bath towel…he would have a bath and whilst having his milk he would pee…then when he was finished he would do a poo!... In order to ‘save’ a cloth nappy (as well as saving his bath towel, the carpet, and him soiling himself) – I started to let him do this on some toilet paper. This was the start of EC for us.

We didn’t really start full time EC though (with me knowing what it was) until my son was 11 months old. We were considered ‘Late Starters’ because of this. It went well though. My son has always been pretty consistent with his pees and poos which helped – as well as the fact we used cloth nappies.

Its true…Children ‘today’ are ‘potty training’ much later than say 100 years ago because of a few things. The first is the use of disposables. Disposables never let a child know when they are wet like a cloth nappy would. The second is that EC used to be more common practice (especially during the war where there was quite a shortage on lots of things – but I will point out here that there may be some EC practices of the past in our country that seem horrendous and I agree – you may find historical pictures of small potties with straps on them…this is NOT the EC I am talking about and I am certainly not suggestion you use force or such cruel restraints for your baby!) Using cloth nappies helps because a child can feel when they are wet and will need to be changed more often than when they are in disposables. This helps a child stay aware of their bodies and of cause an effect – the eat/drink = pee/poo part of our everyday lives. This helped us with our EC because I got my son used to feeling dry by using a cloth nappy without a cover so I knew when he did a wee and could change him right away into a fresh dry nappy when he did have a wee - and also to help him become aware of his body (that natural cause and effect). He got used to feeling dry because of this and became aware of his body and its actions. Eventually we moved on to pants. He was in pants full time by 17 months. He then ‘graduated’ at 22 months (this is when they start taking themselves to the potty/toilet). I will also mention here, that practicing EC is the most environmentally friendly way to go about 'toilet buisiness' with a baby/small child! hehe

I will point out here though, that the goal of EC is not to ‘potty train’ your child, or have a set time period in mind– though a bonus of it is that children who are EC’d tend to be out of nappies much sooner than those not (despite the fact all my friends called me crazy, my son was in pants, no ‘accidents’ and using the toilet a year soon than all of his friends). My goal was never to have my son using the potty sooner than other children – nor was it to have him simply using the potty sooner period, it just happened that way. My goal was simply to respond to his need to ‘eliminate’ (pee/poo), as we all have this need as I responded to all of his other needs.

There are many benefits of EC because of this. The first most obvious is that it’s more comfortable for your baby. Even if you change their nappy right away, it’s not very nice to sit in your own wee and poo even for a second. I know many parents who ‘know’ when their baby needs to have a poo (at least)…’Oh – hes about to have a poo! – Look at that face!’…Then they wait until they have had a poo and then go and change their nappy. Even the nappies themselves can be quite uncomfortable. Think of the hassle that could be saved if a potty/toilet was offered up instead! There are even proven medical benefits – such as prevention of UTI’s. This also doesn’t work well without a close bond with your child – so another benefit is that it helps to create a closer bond to your child. Which brings me on to some of the ‘myths’ of EC…

I bet many of you reading this right now think ‘what!!!?!’… I am not about to sit around all day constantly having to put my baby on a potty!... Well the good news is you don’t! I never sat around all day with my son on a potty! (and many others who practice EC don’t either! Hehe). A few people have commented to me on this because they get the impression that it is ‘time consuming’ and ‘unfair’ on the child because they could be playing instead of you sitting them on the potty/toilet all day long. But what about nappy changes then? I actually timed myself for a whole day – the day where we changed nappies instead of responded to his elimination needs by offering him the potty took up more time to do than the days where we just responded to his need to pee/poo and offered him the potty! Basically, it takes much longer and is more time consuming to change a nappy that it ever really is to practice EC! Sure…We had some wee accidents, but those are easy to clean up and you would even get those regardless if you decided to wait until your child was two years old (or whatever age) to ‘potty train’ them. I also never had poo on my carpet. Also, it’s not forcing them to ‘potty train’…

Which brings to me the comment most people give when it comes to ‘potty training’, in that you should wait until your child is ready. What do people mean by ‘ready’? Most people mean when your child can tell you, when they have some sense of self and awareness and have had enough of soiling themselves to finally verbalise about it. So here is something that you probably did not know. Babies…are BORN with some sphincter control! That’s right…they do not just wee and poo without the muscle control to it or without the awareness of it. This was first obvious to me when my son was first born right up until he was a few months old. Every time I took off his nappy, he would wee! Now if I had held him over a toilet every time this happened, we could have saved a lot of wet nappies and wet mummy (and daddy and midwife and wall and carpet…hehe)! Lol …and he would not have forgotten his bodies ability. I never once forced him to sit on the potty/toilet though. He sat on it because he was happy to – if he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t have! It’s also different from ‘potty training’ in the way that no coercion or praise or rewards are used. It’s not different from simply breathing. Your child needs to go – they go! It is a very gentle approach! …You don’t have to bribe them or offer them a sticker for their reward chart for going or even encourage them to keep doing it! We all breath – we do it! We all pee/poo…we simply just do it! And here is a thought for you on ‘ready’…Do you wait until your baby can tell you, in words, that they are hungry? Of course not…they would have starved to death by then. Eventually, you even know when they are hungry before they have to cry about it! – So you feed them. In your same intuitive way, with their own body language, a baby can tell you that they need to wee/poo – and you will, if you practice EC, eventually know this without even having to think about it! It is simply about responding to another need your child has – the need to eliminate.

Have any of you ever thought about where current day ‘potty training’ practices came from? (I will copy and past this but here is the link that is worth a read as it has other good stuff on it as well!): The Western world has been indoctrinated to reject any form of early toilet learning. Our doubts stem from "medlore"– maturational readiness theories which are based on opinion rather than scientific proof. By changing our attitude from scepticism to recognizing our babies’ amazing abilities, we open new doors. Our fears are also based on old psychology relating to a different toilet training method used in the 1920s–1940s. But with infant pottying, timing is based on baby’s natural rhythms and on communication between mother and baby. There is no punishment, anger or pressure involved. It is a gentle, baby-led approach.

Like with many parental practices in the ‘western’ world today, a lot of the ideals have come from myths thought up and products sold on the market in the 1950s to parents who thought that their whole world depended on these items…this ranges from the cot to formula and to even nappies!

There are many ‘windows of opportunity’ to EC. It is never too late to start because it is simply an approach, but there are ‘better’ times to start. These include from birth up to about six months of age because the baby is still aware of his sphincter control then. A child who is put in nappies and does not have the need to eliminate responded to, will ‘forget’ (essentially) about his/her sphincter control …they are now ‘nappy trained’ and you will later have to ‘re-train’ them how to reuse their sphincter muscle and use the potty/toilet instead. Because of this, I think it is a bit silly to wait until they are two (or older) to present this idea to them. They want to play at that age – they don’t want to have to stop what they are doing to try and work on this forgotten ability they once long ago had.

EC is also common in many other countries. It is actually our ‘western’ world practice of waiting until a child is two years old to ‘potty train’ them that is out of the ‘norm’ when you compare it to other practices around the world.
A lot of people see it more as ‘parent training’ instead of ‘potty training’…but there is no training involved. It is, in fact, far removed from any modern day conventional ‘potty training’ techniques. It is very much a two way process that is mostly about attachment and communication between parent and child. It is something I do not regret doing at all and something I will be starting from birth with, with my next child when that time comes. I am also currently moderator of this EC group based in the UK - Check it out for more information and support! :)

Nappy free is the way to be!

Life in the UK

2008-06-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Today I took my 'Life in the UK' test at the Job Centre in Gloucester. And...I passed! Of course I would. The test was dead easy...You get 45 mintues to complete it and I was finished in 8! lol... I can see how it might be hard though, if say - your first language was not english. Funny though, because I know my husband would not have passed it. Good Morning had a good laugh at it when it first came out (some of the questions are bit odd and pointless!) and took 100 British born and bred citizens to take the test...only 12 passed! I now officially know more than the average British person! lol...But it had to be done. For a total of £34 of course. Now I can attach that 'Pass' slip to my application for British Nationality...for another grand total of...drum roll please!.... £650! That is, if they don't raise the price of it by the time we get our application out! Last I heard, they are thinking of raising the price again by the end of the year. We will hopefully be able to afford to send out the application come Sept/October time! It can then take up to two years...TWO years! for them to go over it and approve it!

On Age Gaps

2008-06-18T11:49:00.001-07:00

When you consider having a second child, this is something that few people consider – ‘age gap’ between siblings. It is something that I have been thinking about for the past year or so.
There are many things to consider when thinking about the ‘right’ age gap for your family. There is no one blanket answer to the ‘right’ age gap because all families are different, so every ‘right’ age gap will be different for every family because of this. No matter what the age gap you decide for your family, there are pluses and minuses to all of them. It’s more about weighing up the pros and cons to find what best fits your family based on this.
When my son was going to school, the right age gap for our family was going to be six years. This was because, here in the UK, my son would have been the eldest in his class – starting school at the age of five due to his September birthday (where if he was born earlier in the year, he would have started school at the age of four). I figured six years would have been ‘right’ for our family because I did not want to have a baby and then have my son go to school because I did not want him to feel as if I sent him to school because of ‘the baby’. But then we decided to home educate so the very large age gap was no longer relevant. We decided on, roughly, a four year age gap because of this and many other factors!
I think the first thing to think about when considering an age gap is history. Historically, age gaps were much larger than they are today in our ‘western’ world. This is due to two things: Breastfeeding and lifestyle. An exclusively breastfed baby will provide the mother with about a 98% natural contraceptive – very similar to the use of condoms today. When there was no other way to feed your baby, other than to feed them the way nature intended: breastfeeding – age gaps were simply larger because a mother’s fertility did not return for a long time. And since we are looking at this historically, let us go way back to the time when we were hunters and gatherers. Before farming and agriculture the natural contraceptive that breastfeeding provided lasted much longer because of the lack of grains in our diets. And then of course, we can look at the practical side of age gaps historically, because as a hunter and gatherer it would not have been wise to have two very small dependent children on your hips as you were not settled and moving around often, and because you might have needed to move quickly due to a bear or lion! Because of this, the ‘natural’ historical age gap is about four years.
Medically, you should give your body at least 14 months after the birth of your first child before you think about getting pregnant again. Your body needs time to heal. It has just been through nine months of pregnancy and another extreme exercise in labouring and birthing! There are a few risks to getting pregnant before this time. The two main risks are miscarriage and premature birth. However, many people have very small age gaps and manage just fine. My mother herself had me, 11 months later had my sister Fallon and 11 months after that had my youngest sister Britney! (yeah – she was pretty crazy! Lol) When the gap is this small, you first child probably won’t even notice that life was or could have been anything different and I imagine it’s almost like having twins! But I would never recommend this age gap for two reasons: The medical side of it and breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is one major thing to consider before you decide to have another child. You will have to ask yourself many questions and because your values may differ from mine, your ‘ideal’ age gap may also differ based on these questions.
The first question you should ask yourself is: Is my child still breastfeeding? If they are, then ask yourself how long you intend to breastfeed for. Do you have a set age limit or do you plan to let your child self wean? This is important because pregnancy can often zap your milk supply! Usually by the second trimester, you may find that you just do not have any more milk left to give your baby/toddler/child and because your nipples become more sensitive in pregnancy, breastfeeding the child you currently have can often be very painful for you. Some people can get through pregnancy whilst breastfeeding just fine. They may find that they have kept their milk supply (or simply that their child was determined enough to keep at it until the milk did come back in!) and were able to grit their teeth through the first few months due to their sensitive nipples. So the next question you want to ask is: Do you want to risk your breastfeeding relationship or wait until you are no longer breastfeeding/your child is no longer breastfeeding until you try for another? Or go for you it? ... You may be able to come out the other side a tandem nurser (so another question to ask is, do you fancy tandem nursing?) – but statistically and more realistically, this may not be very possible.
If I were still breastfeeding my son, I would wait until he has self weaned until we decided to try for another child (mostly because of everything I mentioned above). This may also be why I long for another child at the moment – I long for that breastfeeding relationship. Perhaps that’s another way nature takes care of the ‘right’ age gap for your family…hormones!
But some people can not always afford to do this. My friend Julie is currently pregnant with her second (due in early August) – her son was three this past December (boxing day actually…fancy that!) so her age gap will roughly be three years and eight months (if I fall pregnant right away when we start to TTC – this will also roughly be the same age gap we will have) – but her son was still nursing when she started trying for a second. This is mostly because she couldn’t afford for there to be a much bigger age gap if she wanted her second to have until school age to be with her (and not in a nursery for example) because she will eventually have to go back to work and will not be able to be a SAHM any longer. (also a reason she will not be able to home educate)
So finances and living situation are another thing to look at when considering another child. This is another reason why we are going for a bigger age gap. My husband currently is paying back a long standing loan that will be finished with in the next few years. I wanted to move into a bigger house before we had a second child but our house is big enough currently to house two, as a baby really doesn’t take up that much room, and they certainly don’t need their own room, and then when we will start to need more room my husband debt will be finished with and we can possibly even look at buying our first house!
A lot of people say that if you thought about finances when considering a second (or more) child, you will never have another child because no one can afford children. I simply do not believe this to be true at all! But you should still consider your finances never the less! I already know that our second child will be costing us much less than our first. (we have all the things still from when I had my son, like cloth nappies, change table, clothes, etc) The only extra outgoings (not even right away, eventually) will be food and clothing (slightly more so if we have a girl but even then I have friends who are not having any more children with all their baby girl clothing available for me if I do have a girl which will really help financially). Can we afford the extra cost of food and clothing…yes! If we couldn’t, then I would probably be waiting a bit longer. But then some families also plan to pay for college/university for their child, perhaps even their child’s first car…so the thought of having another child when considering their finances may not add up to a pleasant sum for them. These are all things to consider as well. We plan to help our son and any other children we may have financially out into the world when the time comes but even with just the one, we can not afford to pay for their college/university or even just their first car, so we certainly do not plan on affording this for a second child.
The next thing to consider is your family lifestyle and values. This adds into, for example, the decision the friend I mentioned above has made. If she were fine with going to work full time and having her second child in nursery all day long, then perhaps she would have waited longer and let her first child end the breastfeeding relationship himself. But she is not fine with that, those are not her values. Not to mention working full time would certainly make breastfeeding her second child very hard to do, which is another one of her values. So you have to ask yourself – what are your values? What are you willing and not willing to compromise when it comes to these values?
I think the most important thing to think about before you have another child is your first child! It is important to include them in the decision making as having another child impacts them the most I feel. You need to ask yourself if they are ready. You need to ask yourself what their temperament is, what their personality is like, etc. Then weigh all of this up with the possibility of another child and what their temperament and personality might be like. Highly sensitive, high needs, high spirited, calm, quiet, loud, active, colic, clingy…? Does it fit? Does it work?
Then you can think about yourself. What is your personality? What is your temperament? What things do you enjoy or not enjoy about having children (especially about developmental stages)? What things can you cope with and do you find hard to cope with when it comes to your children? Etc. For example – Would you mind having two in nappies? Would you mind having two children that wake in the night – how do you fancy your sleep? Could you cope? What is your stress limit? How much do you value ‘me time’? (etc)
The best way to think these things through is to pretend you have another baby. Go about your day with your current child and pretend you also have a baby to look after as well. This is what I did and it has really helped me see through all the practicalities of having two children and of how a family of four will work.
I personally like my sleep – lucky me, my son is sleeping through the night. We also practice baby wearing and EC – So my son has been using the toilet himself for over a year now and I know that having a baby in a sling keeps them pretty much out of the way whilst meeting their needs should my son need me when the baby also needs me – making things like preparing his lunch and wiping his bottom that much easier on all of us. All of these things might be much harder if he were much younger though. He is currently at an age where he can understand me more and his speech is coming along – him being able to talk to me and tell me his needs and wants helps a lot and will help much more when I have another baby. Especially the fact he understands ‘in a minute’ and ‘patience’ and ‘one second’…hehe
What I worry most about, is the attachment and bond I have with my son. I know having another child will change this, not necessarily in a ‘bad’ way though. Change is good – and no matter what age gap I will have or could have, our relationship will change regardless – and I would probably still be worrying about this either way! Hehe …But this leads to family values and what you value as a mother and for your children.
I value self weaning (breastfeeding)…
I value co-sleeping…
I value meeting all of my child’s needs – including the one to be held continuously and never left to cry…
All of the things I value – are because I want my son (and any other children I may have) to grow up emotionally healthy. The foundations of this are to have a healthy safe and secure attachment with me first. All of these things are the things I am not willing to compromise and all of these things are show in my values. For me, having a small age gap would compromise a lot of these things as the practicalities of them would not always work out and trying to make them work would cause a lot of stress and pressure on myself (something I personally do not want – but I have to consider myself as well in this equation!)
What do you value? What are you willing to compromise on or not compromise on?
A lot of my friends have about a two year age gap between their children. Few of my friends have a five year age gap between their children. But the majority of my friends also have very different values to mine and very different ideals on how to raise their children. So, I do not personally know how either age gap would work for our family, but I have a rough idea based on observing families close to us and filling in the gaps with my own values and ideals.
Also – no matter what age gap, it is not safe to assume/predict anything. These are not things to consider because no matter what, you can not assume how or how much your child will change during your pregnancy or after or how much or how little jealousy there will be between your child and the next when they come along or even if they will like each other, play together, get along, etc. You can prepare yourself though. You can measure possibilities and you can do your best to prevent the worst outcomes of bringing a new member into an existing family by considering all members of the family and working consensually with them when problems arise. A very good book to read if you are planning on having more than one child or currently have more than one child is ‘Siblings without Rivalry’ – if anything to help prepare you for the wonderful road ahead of becoming a parent of more than one child and when the time comes, to help you through any bumps in the road you may find!
The last thing to think about…is the pregnancy! Remember, you will have to endure nine months at the most of pregnancy with your child through whatever age they are at that time. I feel my son is ready for a sibling now, but that would have meant me being pregnant with him during a time that would have been very hard on me because of pregnancy, and in turn, hard on him – which would not have been fair on either of us.
All of these things (from my temperament and personality with my sons temperament and personality to what I know I am capable of and not capable of), along with my own family values, are why I tend to favour the larger age gaps between siblings. If I could wait longer, I would probably aim for a seven year age gap – but I also know what the desire feels like to long for another child – however, all of these things considered and what I am not willing to compromise on has led me to the age gap we have decided on, where I would not go any smaller than a three year gap personally. A two year old is very needy and still very much a ‘baby’ in many ways – I am also very need (and highly sensitive myself) so a baby added to that, making three of us, would just not work for me (especially when you consider the practicalities of it all).
So all in all, there are many pros and cons to any age gap – it is just up to you decide what is a ‘pro’ and what is a ‘con’. If you are thinking about the gap you will have between your children at all, that’s at least a start!

Third time lucky...

2008-06-17T01:13:00.000-07:00

Well my son still has not got the chickenpox! Our supply is running low as well...in fact this was our last shot. Both children of a close friend of mine (I am her sons Godmother) now have the chickenpox. Desperate for some socialisation from being stuck in the house due to the pox, they came over to play at ours yesterday...They may also be coming over today. There was lots of coughing, sneezing and sharing of drinks and lollis again. Perhaps my son will get them this time?...The saying is 'third time lucky'...So here is hoping as we really do not know anymore people that have not had the pox yet!
Now...if only I knew someone who could give him the mumps as well... Good old natural immunity!

I feel like a chicken!

2008-06-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

Well they have finally done it!...Doctors have managed to capture a picture of human ovulation during a 45-year-old womans operation...by sheer chance! Have a look here....it really does look like an egg! (or a vitamin E tablet! lol) I am ...wow! - That could be my egg! Well not 'my' egg...but you know what I mean!...Thats what I want my husband to fertalise with his little swimmers. THAT turns into you and I!...Amazing! Just...wow!

Mad dash lollipop tower playhouse!

2008-06-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

Well I should probably inform you all that the playhouse we got for our son as an early birthday pressie (I mean, his birthday is in September, but the playhouse was on sale so we might as well get it whilst the weather is good enough for him to play with it! hehe) is up and running!

DO NOT GET ONE OF THESE PLAYHOUSES ~ unless you want to pay for someone else to build it for you (which was not really an option in its purchase, but if you know someone then go for it! hehe)...

This playhouse goes on my list of 'never agains' and is right up there with wallpaper border = a pain in the arse ...majorly! It made my husband cry! We had hardly got started on it and he wanted to give up. It is my no means an easy thing to create!

It took us three days to build, three men and a woman (thats me lol), a son who thought he was helping hehe - and three weeks to wait for a new slide because the one they sent us was broken (it had a crack down the whole of it that we did not spot until we were about to put it up! ugh!). Of course, my son still has not gone down the slide...:|

Well - here are some photos of our hard work! hehe

Day one:

Day two:

Day three:

The slide is here!!!

My son really enjoys his new playhouse! ~ He was really pleased with himself when he learned how to get up and down the ladder on his own! :) ...the cats are enjoying it too! hehe

Purple power!

2008-06-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

I actually finished this scarf about a month ago but have only now manage to get around to putting it up here! hehe - So here it is...my purple power scarf. Actually, it will Karen's Purple Power scarf. She is an old friend of mine who lives in Sacramento, California and her favourite colour happens to be purple! She is a knitter as well, so I know she will appreciate the effort!
Oh - and I knitted them with my new bamboo knitting needles! Both the eyelash yarn and needles I got on ebay! hehe

Appalled at UK car seat safety ....or lack of it should I say!

2008-06-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

When my son was nine months old he went into a forward facing car seat. He was old enough and big enough according to the UK car seat safety laws. In fact, according to some car seats here in the UK - he could have gone into a booster from four months of age based on his size! Now, if you live in any other country - especially America, Canana, Finland, Denmark, or Sweden where the law states that a child must be in a rearfacing car seat up to the age of four as that is the only safest way to travel in a car for such a small child...this will probably make you sick to your stomach just at the thought of it! And I do not blame you! Something is seriously lacking in our car seat safety laws including the correct information available and the products available to meet that. Thanks to a few other mothers, I am not the only one who thinks so either.
My son has always been big for his age. To give you some idea, at the age of two he was about 40lbs and 40 inches tall. Most people think he is four years old! So when it was time to get him a new car seat, as he was quickly growing out of his 9 months to 4 year sized car seat, I had to do some hard fact and product searching in order to find him a suitable car seat for his age and size because in the UK, he was big enough to go into a booster - but a child is safest in a 5-point harness and I was not at all comfortable with the idea of putting him a booster where I would be relying on just the cars seat belt to protect him in a crash espeically when seats belts actually fail the majority of the time in by not tightening or unlatching in an accident. Just ask this mother how reliable car seat belts are with booster. Eventually, after much looking and contacting many car seat companies, I found a suitable car seat for him legal and available in the UK, a 5-point harness car seat that will hold him up to 55lbs. The Britax Elite (that they no longer make or sell in the UK). This really isn't much though compared to the 5-point harness car seats they sell in other countries that will hold a child up to 80lbs! ...let alone the various infant car seats they sell that will hold a child rear facing in a 5-point harness up to 55lbs!
But now are looking at trying to concieve our second child and we will need a new car seat based on this new fantastic knowlege of car seat safety I hold in my head. So once again the search has continued. I have now found the swedish made car seats here in the UK (legal) that will hold a child from birth up to 55lbs in a rear facing 5-point harnessed position and wanted to help other parents also buy a much more safe car seat for their child. So here they are. They are not easy to find, and are often listed under 'Special Needs' car seats, so hopefully I have just saved you the trouble and heartache.
It should not be this way though. More parents should be informed of the safest way to travel with their children and more of these products should be widely available without having to search so hard for them. Many children here in the UK are placed into forward facing boosters by the time they are two or three years old. This is because a lot of parents just do not know the dangers of this and where to buy the alternatives. There is a petition here to help chance that! A lot of car seats advertise themselves as 9 months to 11 years but if you look at the instructions, they are 'convertable' car seats. This means that from, roughtly, 9 months up to 35lbs - never any higher in weight - the car seat is a 5-point harness forward facing car seat but then once your child is over the harness weight limit of 35lbs, the car seat must be converted to his 'booster' form. At a second glance, this car seat is really a horrible waste of money and not very safe for your child at all. But some parents just choose to be ignorant. It makes me sick everytime I think I have shared my knowledge with friends, that they then still go out and buy their very small and young child a booster seat instead. My friend put her daughter in a booster because it was on sale and the cheapest option before her daughter was even three years old so she could put her six month old son in a forward facing car seat (the car seat that used to be her daughters). Now not only one, but both of her children were put in horrible danger. Thank God she never got into an accident during that time! So many people put a price on their childs safety here in the UK - the cheaper more convinient price. It is a real shame.

A change in sibling plans

2008-05-31T15:02:00.000-07:00

I think 'when to TTC' has changed for us a million times since I ever decided that one child was not enough for me (that was roughtly when my son was three months old! hehe)...Of course, with as fickle as I am, you didn't really think that our TTC date of December this year (2008) was final did you?
Originally we wanted to wait to TTC until DS was five - this would have made it roughly a six year age gap. Idealy, I wanted a five year age gap - but I did not want to just have a baby and then send my son off to school (in the UK - as a 'winter' baby, he would have started school much later being one of the oldest in the class) because I felt he might feel we just shipped him off to school because of 'the baby' - so we extended TTC a year longer. Then we decided to 'unschool'...So we could move our plans up to TTC by the end of this year making it a four year age gap. Now, there is no real reason it had to be 'TTC' this December, other than I was shooting for another Virgo baby (being Virgos ourselves, thats DS and me) - but due to my thinning patience (with most things in life lol) and certain other family circumstances (SIL wanting to TTC this October - yeah I know that sounds silly and selfish but I honstly feel it as an injustice to my life...I have been through so much and have worked so hard to be where I am today and I honestly feel, without sounding 'big-headed', that I am a pretty good mother! - where she has had everything handed to her in life, never finished school and at just 26 - with her 100th boyfriend, has finally managed to move out of the house and live for herself a bit...it makes me sad and angry and all sorts of feelings with the thought that she now also wants to bring another dependent little life into the world, especially when her 'parenting' advice to me is often that I should leave my son to cry (CIO) - of course I understand the desire to have a child but I also think she should live for herself a bit - it doesn't help, and this is where I know it sounds extremely selfish of me but I honestly can not help how I feel, I have tried - trust me, that not only do I feel robbed with what I have lost with my son - the natural birth and breastfeeding relationship, etc - that she should get that right before I have...I just could not be happy for her - I just could not even pretend to be happy for her until I knew that we were at least in a place of 'wanting' - trying...no longer waiting...It's all deeper than it sounds and I do not really expect anyone else to understand these feelings that I have.), we have moved our TTC date up to August. We have been considering this for the past week.
My first thoughts: Will I be robbing my son of four extra months just 'us' time? Will four months really make a difference to his life, to our relationship and bond, to our family as a whole?
I never honestly knew that trying for a second child would be such a hard choice to make...not the 'should we try' but the 'when should be try'. I do think it matters though and I honestly think that more people should think about it. Too often do I think people just have a second child without thinking about it. Of course, the 'right age gap' is going to vary from family to family because a lot of it is dependent on personal needs and personalities, which of course will differ from family to family ...but I think the biggest thing to consider before deciding to have more children, is the child/children you already have. They are a part of the family and should be a part of that important and precious decision.
I am also a person that likes to grasp as connections between things, but I think I have been focusing too much on star sign - which could just turn out heartbreaking as we can not really control when our babies will be born. However, I found this little fun site - if anything, it helps me keep that part of me that wants that 'connection' of my future for me that often feels out of my control - whilst making it feel a 'positive' choice either way it happens.
Perhaps because of all of this you may feel that really I am not ready to be TTC for a second at all. This, my reasons for wanting another child, why and when we have chosen to TTC...have made me ask myself this very question everyday of my life for the past two years! (just ask my DH!) ... But I know now how you can tell if you are ready for another child. You can tell you are ready for another child when you no longer feel 'freaked - out' by the thought of 'accidentally' falling pregnant. A few months ago, the thought of finding out I was pregnant would have 'freaked' me out. I was not ready. My son was not ready. But now as a family, I think we are ready. If I found out I was pregnant today - everything would be just fine. The last bit...the actual 'TTC' part of it - the 'when', is more about control I guess. We all like a bit of control in our lives and take it where we can as long as we try to keep it a healthy control.
For some reason though - I can also come up with a few more 'practical' reasons to TTC slightly earlier (if I need to convince myself I will be doing the right thing anymore than I have). First, it will be nice to not be heavily pregnant in the dead of summer - instead to have a baby just when the weather starts getting nice (as predictable as that is for the UK! hehe). It will also be nice to have the birthdays split up between the yearly months - instead of the possiblity of them being very close together, which helps financially and also means that next year, hopefully I will not have just had a baby or about to have a baby when I am giving my son his birthday party!
However - who knows!...It could take us months to concieve the second time around despite DS was concieved on one night! So I may get an even larger age gap than I was planning for. But at least there will always be the fun in trying - in being able to even try. Wanting ...and waiting is a hard thing to do...at least now its more about the wanting and that is easier to cope with as I am already so lucky and blessed with a wonderful healthy little boy. I just hope he is as pleased with a sibling as I hope this precious gift to him will be.

For now...I am starting on the folic acid and will get myself some RRL capsules to help tone up my uterus in preparation for its future journey and birthing task - which will also be great to take later on in my future pregnancy!

Swimming up the mainstream

2008-05-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

Today on my way home from another playgroup I just could not help feel like a salmon swimming up stream against the waters. Becoming a parent puts you in a whole different culture in the world we live in than those who are not parents. Parents are then divided down into tribes of philosophy. Becuase how we parent matters. When being a parent becomes a huge part of your life, we tend to flock together like sheep to stay strong - because it really all does matter even if we try to convince ourselves that it doesn't and it's near impossible to do alone. To what degree it matters, I do not know. Worry is a sure sign that you care though.
The majority of how people choose to 'parent' in our western world - we shall call 'mainstream'. If you asked them why they do the things they do, they probably woudln't be able to give you an answer becuase they actually have not thought much about it - they just do it, like we all do it. It has nothing to do with what comes 'natural' to a mother. It is simply the fact that we are innately social creatures who learn best by example and when, in our western world, 'parenting' one way is really the only example people have to go on...it's all most people know.
It takes a black sheep, so to speak, to step outside of that box and question it. I am one of the black sheep. Unfortunatly, the new way of thinking, of looking at things, this questioning and finding new answers against the mainstream can be a very lonely and frustrating path. You can often feel like that salmon.
Sometimes the world gets the better of me and I can feel myself slipping downstream again with the flow of the water. It would be much easier for me to just slip along with the rest in the mainstream and find myself some weeds to live among in the pool below. But that is not my goal and often during these times of hardship I find myself in, a bit of support is what I need to help pick me up before I slip too far and can not make my way up again. Because despite how hard it is to swim against the mainstream, I know it will all be worth it. It will get easier and easier the more I trudge along despite the obstacles that will get in my way, I can not let myself slip. If this means I need to take a break from the flow of the world - then that is what is best for all of us. Todays conclusion has led me to the realisation that we just need to take a break from all the playgroups for awhile.
It sure has made me strong though - in more ways that you can imagine.

Second try

2008-05-23T05:53:00.001-07:00

A month ago one of Duncan's friends got the chickenpox - so we dropped by for a surprise pox party! She had just got them so was highly contagious - she had more pox on her body by the time we left than when we got there! We got them to share drinks, ice lollies, cuddles, puss (yeah I know you are think 'ewww' lol - but htat is one sure way to help spread the virus, or so we thought!)...you name it. But...nothing! Just as his deadline was coming to an end (they say the virus will lie dormant in the body for 10-21 days before any symptoms show up...so this was day 21), all he had was a basic cold...no sign of the pox.
So everyone seems to be getting them except him! Today we invited another friend over for a little pox playdate as he just got it and is in the highly contagious phase. Most people are no longer contagious when you find out they have it, so this phase of contact is crucial to our second try! We did the same pox drill again to help spread the virus as best we could, so we shall just wait it out and see if it has worked this time.
He may never get it...but here is hoping that if he is going to get it, that it is now whilst he is young and spritful! I had them when I was 7 and they were horrible...another friend of mine had them when she was 40 and she said it was even worse! (and this is a friend who has gone through measles, mumps, and rubella as a small child)... It is much better for children to get them when they are young as it is far less sever in children.

Policewoman helps quake efforts by breastfeeding!

2008-05-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

I do not often watch the news, for a variety of reasons, but something as big as this is hard to miss. As many of you may have known, on May the 12th, South-West China suffered a terrible disaster. The current death toll caused by the earthquake is said to be 40,000. But amidst such tragedy reveals true heros in our time.

A wonderful 29-year-old policewoman is helping the earthquake efforts by breastfeeding eight babies! What a very personal and wonderful gift to be giving at a time of loss.

Dandelion feast!

2008-05-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

Dandelions...annoying weed or a delicious nutritious snack?
Dandelion is actually a herb - and a very good one for you too!
Today my son and I made dandelion fritters - yummy!
They are fun and easy to make for all the family! First you need to collect up some dandelions - just the open flower heads though...

Rinse them off and prepare a plate with a paper towel (to soak up the oil as you will see later) for them after they are finished cooking then set out to making the fritter batter. You will need one egg, some milk (we use soya, you can use whatever it is you normally have in the house), some flour and some honey (if you would like to add a bit of sweetness to it, we did - otherwise, leave out the honey!).

Mix all of these ingredients in a bowl.

Get some oil hot in a pan (we use sunflower oil but I don't think it matters what kind of oil you use so just use what you normally have in your house!). Dip the dandelion heads into the batter and then place into the hot oil to fry. They are done when they turn golden brown.

Place them on the prepared plate to cool.

Then enjoy them, anyway you like! - They are great as either a sweet or savoury snack so have them on their own or try them with a dip such as honey or a sweet and sour sauce! Yummy in your tummy!

Warning: Dandelion sniffers will suffer from yellow nose :p hehe

Amazing Woman!

2008-04-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

Because lets face it...woman are amazing! This site was brought to my attention and I thought others might find it interresting as well! - It's an at close look into the 'cycle' of a womans cervix and all it's trappings!
Its 'ewww' and 'amazing!' at the same time!!! A must see! hehe

Our cat Nessus - home from the vets!

2008-04-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our cat Ness got fixed!...Well she wasn't broken, but she can go outside now! I will be waiting until her follow up appointment though to make sure everything is fine with her health! She seems perfectly fine though! The first thing she wanted to do when we got home was to play fetch! (yeah - we have a cat who likes to play fetch...its wicked!!!) However - she is a bit bald! hehe

Telegraph: The idle parent

2008-04-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

I do not normally read newspapers. It's not that I don't care what is going on in the world, it's just that I don't care.

Well that makes sense to me :p lol

However - this column was pointed out to me by a fellow unschooler on MDC (a parental forum for the crunchier side of life ;))...so for those of you that do read the paper, I thought you might find this interresting!

Enjoy!

The Birth of my Son

2008-04-20T02:48:00.000-07:00

Today my son is 31 months old! – (that’s 2.5 years and a month! Hehe)
So I thought it would be nice to post his birth story, sort of a tribute to his entrance into the world I guess…especially since I have been thinking about making a sibling for him by the end of the year!

So here it is…prepare for another long blog entry!...

Location: California
Date: 24th December 2004…

Duncan was potentially conceived sometime that night (or up to five days after if we get technical – depending on when I ovulated and how long those little swimmers hung around! Hehe)
This was an accident…but we were not exactly not trying if you know what I mean.
Three weeks after this – No sign of auntie flow, so I took a pregnancy test. Before I even peed on the stick, it came out positive! – I was indeed pregnant!

My pregnancy was great. Well…the first few months of my pregnancy were hell, but that had nothing to do with being pregnant, that was more to do with life’s circumstances at the time – which I just happened to be pregnant through. Because of life’s circumstances, I didn’t see a midwife until I was 20 weeks pregnant but I wasn’t concerned, neither me or my baby were going anywhere!

But before I could see a midwife, I had to go through my GP first. She was rather rude to me I feel. First, she didn’t believe I was pregnant so made me take another pregnancy test so she could see the results herself and then, after already asking me all the questions, like age and date of birth, marital status and family history of illnesses to fill in the patient information sheet (as this was the first time I had seen her or been to that practice at all)…she asked me if I had anyone to support me through this pregnancy, if it was planned, and if I wanted to keep it! …all of this after I just told her I was married…not to mention, I came there telling her I needed to see a midwife…and I wasn’t exactly dismal about any of it! It was just the way she came off to me, the way she treated me…I was 20, but I wasn’t exactly a ‘young’ mum! I was glad to see the back of her…what a way to treat a new mum!

The first midwife appointment was great however… I was starting to feel pregnant and enjoying the thought of it (after the initial ‘omg what have we done!’ shock)! I arrived in my new H&M maternity trousers which were so comfortable I swore I would wear them forever even after I was pregnant (and I have sort of kept to that promise, they are lurking around in my wardrobe somewhere – and still just as comfortable!). We went over all the basic information like age and weight and family history of illnesses (I was getting used to this by now). Then they took some of my blood work (ugh! – I hate needles…I couldn’t look!) And finally, I heard my baby’s heartbeat. I was pregnant – I was really pregnant…there really was a baby in there! It was amazing…I tried not to cry because I didn’t want to look silly!

Because I had not seen a midwife until that point, they quickly booked me a scan for next week. I was looking forward to seeing my baby inside of me and we both, my husband and I, wanted to know the sex!

Before we left, my midwife asked if I could feel the baby moving inside of me yet. I wasn’t sure at the time, I told her I had felt something but thought that maybe it was just gas! So when we got home that day I tried to really pay attention to any movements I felt…sure enough it wasn’t gas. I could feel my baby moving! It was such a great feeling!

Location: St. Michaels Hospital, Bristol
Date: 24th April 2005
Time: 14:00…

My first scan! – We were a bit late but they didn’t seem to mind. I was very excited and nervous and I really had to pee…I thought I was going to burst and it was starting to hurt but they said I needed to have a full bladder for the scan so here I was ready!

We went in and I got comfortable on the bed ready for the sonographer, a nice young lady. She put this gel stuff on my tummy and ran the scanner over it…there was my baby! I could see my baby very clearly. She went over all his features pointing out what was what from his nose, his legs, his heart, etc, though it was so clear I could tell myself and then she did all the measurements and counted every finger and toe. Ten fingers and ten toes …my baby was perfect! But she was a bit concerned about his kidneys. She said there was no liquid in his bladder and it could mean that his kidneys were not functioning properly. However, she also said it was very common and that is usually sorts itself out in the womb before the baby is born but if it didn’t there was a simple injection at birth the baby could get that would sort it out then. So she booked me another scan that I would later get when I was 31 weeks pregnant to check the kidneys again then. But she didn’t tell us the sex and I almost forgot! However, because I could see things so clearly, I thought it was a boy before I even asked but not being the professional I couldn’t tell for sure. She seemed a little annoyed that I had almost forgot but gave in and checked again. In a very quick, mater-of-fact way she announced: ‘It’s a boy!’…. a boy…..

Ahhh…now I can pee!!! I swore that was the longest pee I ever took!...

A boy!!! Before the scan I swore I was carrying a girl! I had dreams of a girl! Okay…this girl in my dreams looked nothing like a baby we could ever produce, but she was there. I was dreaming in pink! A boy…I have to be honest and say I was a bit disappointed. I do not mean that in a negative way but I think all first time mums hope for a girl…don’t they? I just couldn’t get over it. I had to stop thinking in pink and thinking in blue. I had to stop looking at all the little baby girls clothing and heave over to the other side of Mothercare to the boys section. We needed a name.

I came up with a few names I really liked. Todd and Toby were at the top of my list, but my husband didn’t really like any of those names. Then the name ‘Duncan’ came to me. It is a good first name as well as a last name but as a last name is where I got it from. My father’s side of the family is Scottish and the last name there is ‘Duncan’ but I really liked it as a first name as well. My husband liked it too! A traditional, yet uncommon name…we stuck with it! Duncan it was! From that day onwards I referred to my ‘bump’ as Duncan and just hoped the sonographer was right about the baby’s sex as I didn’t want my baby being born confused! Regardless, we bought all boys things! I felt really bonded with my baby now and was starting to get used to the idea of having a little boy!

The nursery theme, though there wasn’t an actual nursery at the time because we lived in a one bedroom flat, we picked out was from Mothercare. The theme title was called ‘Little Red Car’ and I thought it was perfect for our Duncan as both my husband and I love a particular little red car named Ginger, our mini cooper. That is how my husband and I first met, at a mini show. He had a little red mini and I had a love for them. We hit it off right away and the rest is history as you can see! So we also decided on ‘Cooper’ for the middle name of our son. It makes sense to us in a very non cheesy way.

I got a part time, bordering on full time, when I was five months pregnant. I saw the advert outside of the shop and it was perfect as they needed someone to cover for someone else currently on maternity leave until September, when my son was due, so I also only needed a job up until that time. It was a job working in a small café on the third floor of a furniture shop. They said they would get back to me and never did so I knew the job was offered to someone else but then one day out of the blue they called me telling me that they really needed me as the person they originally hired for the job didn’t work out! We really needed the money as well. The store was called Maskreys and the job looked easy enough and it was. I worked behind the counter selling tea and cakes to customers who were mostly elderly. We also offered lunch of sarnies and soup and salads but it was never very busy so if I needed to sit down I could. And of course, I had free range of the cakes!

So far, my pregnancy was going great! I had some water retention but that was to be expected, not to mention we were having a very hot summer! My bump was huge and I gained quite a bit of weight – I was about 7 stone at the beginning of my pregnancy and by the end of it, I had gained another 6 stone! But I was feeling great! I never had any morning sickness, no heartburn, no backache and I was eating well and sleeping just fine! Beside this huge bump attached to me, I didn’t feel pregnant at all! I was very relaxed, not worried about anything…the world was great!

I took a picture of my growing bump and changing body every month!

My second scan at 31 weeks came around and I thought I would see if they could confirm the sex but my son was so big at that time they couldn’t really see anything like that clearly, not to mention he had his legs well crossed! However, his kidneys were fine, which was great news as they did sort themselves out in the end! But he was breech. They wrote it in the notes but did not feel concerned as it was still so early on in pregnancy and he had plenty of time to turn himself around for his coming birth into the world.

My sons EDD (Estimated Due Date) was the 16th September (2005) based on the first day of my last period of a 28 day cycle. However, looking back I would say my sons more accurate EDD was probably the 21st September (2005) because my cycle at the time was 30 days, not the average 28. I was getting very big and finding it hard to get about anywhere in a more than slow manner, so I gave up work in the middle of August, about a month before my son was estimated to arrive. I had no idea how slow I was walking until an old lady with a cane was passing me up one day on my way out of work! I took the opportunity to catch up on lots of sleep. I would wake for breakfast sometime after my husband left for work and then head back to bed before I woke again for a late lunch and I started going to bed much earlier as well.

The antenatal classes started up and I was looking forward to going to them. This was all new to me and not something I even vaguely new about. I was also looking forward to making some friends because I was new to the area and did not know anyone, and being pregnant sort of furthers yourself away from the mainstream population as well. You can’t just go out and make friends like you would if you were not pregnant! I took my husband along as I found them very interesting and full of information so I thought it would be good if he could clue himself up as well on the subject! hehe

My midwife care was…okay. Everyone in the UK gets a midwife, so it’s nothing ‘special’. However, I was a bit disappointed that every time I had a midwife appointment that I never saw the same midwife. My husband thought that was strange as well. However, I always looked forward to the appointments as it was nice to hear my baby’s heartbeat and see how things were progressing from a professional’s point of view.

Closer to my EED, I saw the midwife more and more. My son was not engaged at all yet but they said that was normal for a first baby as they could still engage themselves when my body actually went into labour. However, they also said he was no longer breech which was a good thing! However, I wasn’t so sure. But I couldn’t tell by feeling my bump which was his head and which was his bottom anyhow so I assumed they knew what they were talking about!

A week before my EDD I started to get BH (Braxton Hick’s contractions) which I was told is ‘practice contractions’. They were not painful but if you placed your hand on my bump you could feel my tummy tightening with them. However, they were very regular which I was also told that BH are not but them some people also have painful BH so there doesn’t seem to be a rhyme of reason to these things to me!

It was my birthday! September 13th. My husband got me a belly casting kit. I joked about them before but after awhile I really started to like the idea of doing a belly cast so I was very glad that he got me this kit. My son could be born any time now so we thought that it was best to do the belly casting that night. It was a lot of fun and I found it very relaxing as well. I am glad that I still have that belly cast today. However, it doesn’t look as big as I remember me being! Hehe

My EDD came and went. I was drinking more and more red raspberry leaf tea as I read it was supposed to help ‘tone’ your uterus to make for an easier more productive labour. I started taking it around 31 weeks of pregnancy as recommended on the box and my midwife. I was getting impatient, excited, scared…I wanted my baby out of me! So I read up on what else I could do to help start labour off naturally. My midwife offered me a ‘sweep’ if I went a week overdue. I was not looking forward to that idea.

My husband informed me that two of his mate’s wives both went into labour in their minis where their waters broke after a nice long drive in them. So we lined the car seat with a few bin bags and on the 18th of September went out for a nice long drive in the country. We stopped at a pub called ‘The Windmill’ and had a nice lunch as they had a very good vegetarian selection. Then we had a nice long drive home. Duncan was still showing no signs of wanting to come into the world though.

This is me, the day before my son was born (thought I didn't know that then of course!)

The next morning my husband woke up as usual to get ready for work. He gave me a kiss and hug before he set off and I decided to sleep in a bit more as usual. I had nothing to do that day so quickly drifted back into sleep. However, what seemed like only minutes later I woke up to a faint ‘pop’ and what I saw as a ‘squirt’ between my legs. It was 9:30AM. I thought I was wetting the bed! I know a weak bladder in pregnancy is very common so I was sure that is what it was as I had experienced a few trickling accidents before if I was laughing or if I sneezed or coughed or something similar. Of course anyone would if a huge baby was pressing down on your bladder! So I quickly raced to the bathroom down the hall with my legs crossed as best as I could. I really did need to pee and was relieved to see the toilet. It never occurred to me that what just happened could have been my ‘waters’ breaking. So I got a shock when I wiped and all this white waxy stuff came out of me, the vernix.

I was not sure if it was my waters though as nothing else had come out of me once I had a pee and I was told at the antenatal classes that the ‘waters’ look sort of pinkish. Out toilet paper was pink (pink just feels much nicer on my bum! Hehe), so there was no way I could tell just from that! I thought I had better call my midwife just in case, but she was not in when I called so I left a message for her letting her know that I think my waters have broken and asking what I should do about it. I got on the computer as well to let my husband know what I thought was happening as well via MSN just to give him a heads up if he needed to come home. Then I set about to clean the house and get ready for the day…But when I got up, more ‘waters’ gushed out of me. Thank goodness my husband is a slob because his towel was right there on the floor in our living room so I was able to quickly stand on that as to not get anything on the carpet. Our towels being white, I was able to see that indeed it was my ‘waters’ which had broken as it was very pink! I got back on the computer to let my husband know that it was time to come home and the midwife called shortly after so I let her know that I knew for sure now it was my ‘waters’ that had broken and she let me know that it was probably best that I get to the hospital. We lived, literally, two minutes drive away from the hospital so I waited for my husband to get home. In the meantime, I continued to tidy the house, had some breakfast and took a shower. Shortly after, my husband arrived home and we packed the car, just in case, and headed off to the hospital down the road from our house with ‘I want to Break Free’ by Queen playing in our CD player.

I had no intention of staying at the hospital as I wasn’t ‘feeling’ anything like labour had started yet. I was also informed that I would probably be sent home as well as all they wanted to do was make sure that everything was running smoothly and that my baby wasn’t in distress. So when I got to the hospital we checked in and a lady hooked me up to a monitor that she strapped around my belly. A machine monitored my baby’s heartbeats and my contractions. I could feel my tummy tightening like when I was having the BH’s a week ago but I was till not in any pain, the kind of pain I expected to have when in labour such as you see in films, the gasping, screaming, shouting, swearing to rip the world apart type of pain.

After about 20 minutes of monitoring my baby’s heartbeat and making sure he was just fine, which he was, she decided to do an internal examination. My first internal examination as they usually only give you an internal examination here in the UK only once your in ‘labour’ in the hospital and not before. The midwife examining me told me I was 4cm dilated! Only 6cm to go! But then she was slightly concerned. She asked both my husband and I if I knew the sex of the baby and we both said we did, we were having a boy, or at least we had hoped so as that is what we were told and we bought all boys thing! She confirmed that indeed we were having a baby boy, because she could feel his testicals and not his head. He was breech.

So they brought in a sonographer to confirm my son’s positioning. Sure enough, he was breech, complete breech. After looking through my notes they also noted that he was breech as the 31 week scan, which we knew about, but then said we should have had a follow up scan after that to check his positioning. We didn’t know that. At this point, I was scared and angry and just plain…depressed. I was expecting the worst. My world was crashing down on me. I knew my short hospital visit was going to turn into a long stay. I couldn’t help but feel angry with myself as well. I knew he never turned around after that 31 week scan but I felt I didn’t have a right to voice that opinion as I was not the professional and the midwives all said his head was down and his bottom up, they all said he was not breech. But they were wrong. I asked if they could do that ‘thing’ where they try and manually flip the baby around but I was informed it was too late as I was already having ‘tightenings’. They informed me of my limited choices. The one birthing outcome I did not give much thought about was a caesarean.

Up to this point, we knew I had gained a lot of weight and my bump was rather huge (so huge people usually asked if I was having twins! Hehe), but no one had ever said my baby was going to be on the larger side of life. A big baby is something to be concerned about, at least informed about but I was only ever showing a week or two ahead of my dates towards the end of my pregnancy which wasn’t much by normal standards, or so I was told. My ‘sugars’ were also checked regularly and I never showed any signs of gestational diabetes. But now that there was no turning back, now I was in the hospital and in labour with a breech baby, they were very concerned about his size. They highly recommended that I have a caesarean. I had to think about it.

A few hours later, I signed the papers to my caesarean. I was scared, but more so for the life of my son. I had to wait a few hours though as they were currently performing a caesarean. I was 6cm dilated by now and still not feeling anything other than minor period type pains. I explained them to my husband as the pains you get when you need a poo, but they were nothing serious. I was only able to pay attention to them because they had me back on the monitor and I could see on the monitor and feel my tummy tighten every time I had a contraction.

The time had come. My baby would be born any minute now. They prepared me for the theatre and my husband got dressed in his scrubs. He went outside to make a quick call to his mother and father to let them know what was happening and informed me that they were on their way down. I was crying, but I just wanted to know that my everything was going to be okay. I had a spinal, concentrating on the feeling of that helped me to take my mind off of things.

They asked me if I wanted any music but it was too late to get the CD I wanted out of the car so I picked a tape they had of classical music and Beethoven was on overhead when everything was ready to go.

The caesarean went smoothly. It was not as scary as I thought it would be. A few weeks back when I was writing up my birth plan, I figured that if I need a caesarean that I would have it under general anaesthetic because I am generally not good with things like that. I even have to have entinox (gas and air) when I go to the dentist! But when the time came, I could not bear the thought of not being able to hear my son’s first cry or even just see him as soon as he was born.

I heard him cry! He was born! They quickly lifted him up so that I could see him. He was beautiful. They cut his cord and whisked him a way to check him over; Apgar score of 9 out of 10 then 10 out of 10 a few minutes later. He was perfect. He was healthy. He was alive and well!

‘What’s the weight’, we all asked excitedly! …

My son was born 3 days ‘late’ or 2 days ‘early’ – depending on which EDD you go by! But really, he was born just on time. At 15:55 on the 19th September, 2005 at St. Michaels Hospital in Bristol, my son entered the world weighing 10lbs 4.5oz and being 56cm long.

I cried right away. I felt the bond immediately. I could not wait until I could hold him in my arms. When he was finally there where he belonged I was overjoyed!... and knackered!

Welcome to the world my little man!

My son at a day old!

Reflections on my son’s birth:

At the time, I was very depressed at the thought of having had a caesarean. I had this dream of a wonderful natural birth. Though what mattered most in the end, of course was that my son was alive and well.

I felt out of control and ill informed at the time. I was angry with myself for being too relaxed during my pregnancy and too unsure of myself to express any concerns about my sons positioning. If I would have spoke up then, perhaps the end outcome would have been different but at the time, it was too late to turn back. I thought the midwives knew more than me, more than my ‘gut feeling’ about things so trusted them in their knowledge and choices. I never dreamed of the outcome. It is something that has taken me years to overcome.

A caesarean is a major operation. I was in the hospital for 4 days and 3 nights. I just wanted to be home. I think the worst part about it were the visiting hours. My husband could not come and see me until 10 in the morning and had to leave by 8 at night. The nights were the worst. I had just had a baby and I needed my husband by my side but I had to be alone.

I also felt robbed. Robbed of what was rightfully mine. I did not feel like a new mother. I felt I had skipped something required of me, my passage into motherhood when I was unable to have a labour and vaginal birth with my son. To this day, I still desire what I have lost more than anything.

I also feel more confident now I am a mother. I feel more educated through my own self teachings and research. I feel prepared for when my turn, my time shall come again.

I have changed so much since my son was born as well. He has shown me so many things about being a mother, being a parent.

I do not regret the decision I made at the time now. I feel now that is the best decision I could have made. My son is here now with me, a healthy two and a half year old little boy wonderful in every one of his little ways. That is all I could have wished for.

""When you know better, you do better..." Maya Angelou"

Natures Child

2008-04-18T02:13:00.000-07:00

Now that spring has sprung and the weather is getting nicer - in fact, too nice some days! (though im not complaining, just worried what our summer will look like compared to last years summer - or lack of!) - my son has taken an interrest in the great outdoors! Drawing his attention mostly to insects and flowers.

So of course, we have been doing some flower pressing!

Not sure what we are going to do with the flowers yet, probably nothing as my son is just enjoying them for what they are!

But he is getting really good at remembering all their names - I think daffodils are his favourites so far!

The shape of a Mother's body

2008-04-17T05:43:00.001-07:00

So in my quest to lose weight and feel great, I ran across this website on another blog. I thought it was great and they give you links as well to use in your own blog - so that makes my job easy! hehe

Its called 'The Shape of a Mother's Body' and its about real woman, mothers, and the hidden beauty we carry after childbirth.

Weight loss

2008-04-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

So my 'raw diet' went out the window at about day three. I know I know!...I am weak for the cooked foods (especially bread lol)!
But...my goal to eat more healthy and lose weight didn't! I have been eating much better (more fruit and veg - less cakes and other sugary items) and excersising everyday. So far I have lost a stone! I am halfway there, because I would like to lose one more stone to be at my ideal weight.
I thought I would give a weight loss ticker a try...

www.my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Calorie Counter

Home education, autonomous learning – aka ‘Unschooling’ and us!

2008-04-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

Perhaps its time I covered the Unschooling topic. It’s not the main reasons I decided to start this blog, but it was a big factor in my reason. My son is only two and a half but its worth mentioning now so I do not forget to later when I may not have as much time on my hands! Hehe

There are many reasons why we have decided to home educate, and many more reasons why we have decided to go the route of autonomous education (though they both sort of tie into each other) so I feel that this entry may be a long one, and link heavy to help you along the way! I will also be asking some rhetorical questions worth pondering over, that I will be answering myself. And some quotes I really enjoy and find myself agree with and pondering over as well – of course!

The best place to start I guess, is the first main reason I can think of in why we decided to home educate our son (and any future children we may have!) and that is because I feel the school starting age is far too young. This is worth mentioning first because I find that this statement is something that most people can relate to and agree with, even if their parental views are more mainstream and/or their children do or will be going to school.

This has been the debate of many studies as well. Is our school start age too young? When we say ‘too young’, what are we basing that on? The school start age in the UK is between 4 and 5 years of age. Some will argue it’s just right. The younger that you start children, the better they will be able to cope in a school system and the will have the years advantage of learning ahead of them as well. When others, such as myself, believe that too early a start is damaging to the child, in more aspects than just their education. But whether or not you believe the school start age is too young, just right, or other, school tests results, at least in the way of education and academic achievement (more appropriately, academic attainment and progress), say something in and of themselves because school start age is just one part of the picture. For example, in countries such as Denmark and Sweden, where the school start age is 7 – you get higher test results than you do in countries where children start school at a much younger age. A few years can make all the difference. But where is our choice in that matter?

In the UK – we at least have the right to choose home education.

The second main reason we have decided to home educate (which also ties into Unschooling) is that the school way of life, the school system, just does not fit in with our family. Not as many people can relate to this but it does separate me, in a way, from them so I do not come across as ‘judgemental’ – it says ‘hey it works for us, it doesn’t have to work for you, and that’s okay but we are going to do it this way’. I try and keep this reason personal, because it is. Though I do find more like minded parents tend to agree with me.
I want to make it clear here though, as I have gotten this comment one or two times, that I am not trying to protect my precious son from the big bad outside world. In fact, that also brings me to another comment I get all the time in the form of this question: ‘But what about socialising?’
I am sure there are some home educating hermits out there, but like with everything else when it concerns my son, I take it as my responsibility (age appropriately depending) to make sure that I provide for my son everything he needs to learn and grow in the world around him – this includes making sure we get out of our rabbit hole we call a home. I take the socialisation comment as just plain ignorance in all innocence because every home educated child I know is a very well happy and well rounded individual. They certainly do not lack any socialisation and have not suffered from the socialisation they do receive during their home educated lifestyle. I will even go as far as stating that I feel many schooled children are the ones with the socialisation issue, not the home educated. Because I feel it is very un-natural for children to be stuck in a classroom for hours every day in a room of 20-30 other people all the same age as themselves. A home educated child learns from a very early age, through example alone, how to go out and make friends of all ages and how to interact, and you said it…socialise!...with people of all ages in all settings…all all backgrounds. So they will know very well how to deal with the ‘big bad outside world’ and I don’t need to protect them from that.

Also – you can not guarantee that just because you send your child to school, that they are getting adequate experience in socialising. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink is how the saying goes. I remember from my own school days, you often got many children whom we called ‘loners’ – I sure didn’t see much ‘socialising’ going on with them unless you count being bullied socialising. I don’t.

'You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself'
~Galileo

I believe strongly, that first and foremost, a child’s start in life starts at home with their parents as the main caregivers, where they can form a strong bond/attachment. From there only can they successfully go out into the world and be the beautiful, well grounded, individuals they are. It is hard to achieve this, especially, if we are shipping them out to school at too young an age.

Then there is the fact that all children simply develop at different rates. When you have a baby, as a new mother, you may worry that your child is ‘behind’ or boast when they seem to be ‘ahead’ and ‘fast’ compared to other children but you will soon learn not to compare your child to other children and are constantly told not to worry because all children develop and grow at different rates and they will all get there, wherever ‘there’ is, eventually. This is very true but for some reason this seems to be forgotten when our children enter school! The pressure is on for them to achieve certain things at a certain time at a certain pace, etc. And some children just are not ready for certain things at a certain time at a certain pace, etc. Also, children learn in different ways! My son is a very hands on learning himself. Since I know this, I can help him learn about the world around him by offering him many things to touch. School does not always provide for children who learn in different ways and may only work best for those children who learn in ways provided for them at at school but it's still not an all around experience. A lot of home educators I know became so only after having their children in school for a year or two, finally realising that it wasn’t working out and their children were miserable in the ‘system’ and then saw the difference that home education made!

Already I have seen the difference that home education makes. I want to take you to the un-natural setting, very much like school, of a ‘toddler playgroup’ where there are 20-30 some odd toddlers all roughly the same age running around together whilst the mothers sit on the sidelines sipping their cups of tea. For a lot of the children there, this is far too much. I know for my son, the overstimulation really gets to him in the way of being easily upset and aggressive (not outwardly so though) and tired and just well…not himself at all! But take him out of that setting and put him in a home education group setting, a more natural setting of maybe 20 children and adults of all different ages all interacting together with one another, and the difference is unbelievable! I thought it was just me, but everyone else I have talked to at the home education group/meet ups have also noticed the difference. At the home education groups my son is calm, relaxed, feels more free to be himself and an added bonus to my viewing in a social situation of being kind, caring, compassionate, and showing great empathy towards/with others. And when it’s time to go home, my son is still himself and not overtired or over stimulated or aggressive or in any emotional turmoil he can’t yet have the words to describe.

As I have mentioned in earlier posts, we tend to live consensually. This in a nut shell means that I do not force my son to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Just because he is a child, does not mean that I treat him any different from anyone else in the world and he isn’t some other lower less important species that has to somehow ‘earn’ his privilege to the same rights and respects as us ‘adult humans’. Sometimes we have to do things, and sometimes he has to do something he may not understand or may not really want to do, but this is where a strong attachment and trust comes in – the rest of it is simply working together, and well…..living consensually! It’s not too hard to understand if you don’t think children are evil little manipulative naughty buggers that need to controlled around, punished, coerces, and rewarded when they please you, in order to grow up, in any way remotely, to become a decent human being. If you don’t think that for one minute, that’s a start! My relationship with my son is one that is based on unconditional love and trust. Without that, I am not too sure this would work. But it does work.

"It is... nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom; without this it goes to wreak and ruin. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty." ~ Albert Einstein

Because of this, our consensual lifestyle, we led to autonomous education – or known more in wider circles by the word ‘Unschooling’. There are many forms of home education out there, but I trust in my son to be the curious individual he is when learning about the world around him, as he has been doing so far because our parenting, my mother does no stop when he reaches the magical ‘school age’ – I have taught him nothing about the world so far (somehow he managed to learn how to hold his head up and sit up and crawl and press a button and open a door all by himself, he has learned so much everyday as he grows and changes, so it was him really that showed me the path to autonomous education. I do not believe it is my job to tell my son what to learn and when to learn it unless that is what he asks of me. I also do not believe in tests. I am not saying that tests are completly a bad idea (sometimes tests are good - like the driving test for example), but they do not tell the whole picture. Anyone can pass a test if they want to - but not everyone can put into practice what they know. You either know something or you don't but there is more to tests than just sitting down and answering some questions. And certainly, a national test at the age of seven is a bit rediculous! - A seven year old does not need that kind of pressue in life. My job is not to shove a bunch of facts down his throat in a certain order at a certain time. I only plan to teach my son how to learn, not what to learn. I want to help him enjoy life and learn through life. I have recently been helping people to understand ‘Unschooling’ by explaining that it’s more like ‘Life Learning’ – because it is! From there, the world really will be his oyster!

'I believe that the testing of the student's achievements in order to see if he meets some criterion held by the teacher, is directly contrary to the implications of therapy for significant learning'.
~ Carl Rogers

What do you enjoy learning or more importantly why do you enjoy learning? For me, it’s the things that I personally take an interest in and take it up to myself to find out more. Not something someone tells me I have to know. The knowledge I learn on any self satisfying quest is also knowledge I tend to retain, not just facts I have to remember to pass a test that I soon forget after I get the grade. It is also more enjoyable when it is something that I have chosen, that I have control over when and how much instead of being in a situation where I do not have much control over my life.

'The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all; it is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed a standard citizenry, to put down dissent and originality.
School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of dull, unintelligible tasks, new and unpleasant ordinances, and brutal violations of common sense and common decency'.
~ H.L. Mencken

This is when people ask about thing such as ‘qualifications’. Because we tend to live in a shallow narrow minded world where people do not really care if you can do something, but whether or not you have an abstract piece of paper that says you can. This is where I tell people that if my son wants to become a doctor, there is nothing stopping him. He will know how to research and figure out what it is that he needs to do to prove to the world he can be a doctor. If he still wants to be a doctor, he will then go on to accomplish those tasks. I have ever bit of faith in him to accomplish what he sets out to do. If he needs that abstract piece of paper to prove himself to the rest of the world, he will have to get it. But he doesn’t need to prove himself to me or anyone else if he doesn’t want to and the difference here is about real choice and getting there is about natural curiosity and self enjoyment.

'Education is a private matter between the person and the world of knowledge and experience, and has little to do with school or college'.
~ Lillian Smith

I will point out here that my husband supports his family on his income. He earns a decent amount. He may not be a millionaire, but he fits in with the rest of the ‘middle class’ population. The work he does involves computers, mostly programming if I am correct. And…he has no ‘qualification’ for his job at all! He has loved computers most of his life. He wrote his first computer programme when he was only 9, no one taught him that – his curiosity and love for life learning led him there on his own! He then got his first job working with computers at the age of 15. He is still doing the same thing today.

I myself have a few qualification that I got when I went to university. But adult education is very different from primary and secondary education. I chose to go to university. I chose which classes to take, when and how much of myself I wanted to give to them. I dropped out of a few and took up other classes as well along the way. I was not made to do anything I did not want to do and if I wanted to know more, I took what I could from where I could. I had fun and I never felt like I was wasting my time. I didn't need anything to prove myself either to start off there. Some universities are a bit more picky, but then there is also college and the Open University. I have even done a few college courses and have a few qualifications from there too if I should ever have to use them to prove myself to someone more narrow minded - so far I havn't!

'Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you.
You are all learners, doers, teachers'.
~ Richard Bach Illusions

Did you enjoy school? What were you favourite subjects? What did you want to learn that you didn’t have a chance to learn? What can you remember from school? How much of what you had to learn in school do you use now?

'My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself'.
~ George Bernard Shaw

This is probably where I am going to end this very long blog entry! I think it’s also important to think about our own childhood and what we got from our own schooling because that’s the great thing about being able to look back in time, you are able to roll things over in your mind and think about them more coming to your own conclusions on certain matters.
It wasn’t my schooling that led me to the thought of home educating my son though, but I can use my own memory of my schooling to help me to relate to my son with the desires I have for his own life and future.

"The only thing I didn't do in school was learn." ~ unschooler Jason Lescalleet

I didn’t hate or love school. I enjoyed a few subject and those subjects were usually the ones where you got more free will in what you wanted to do and how you went about doing it like Science and English class. You had to have something to show for yourself at the end of an assignment, but that assignment and how you went about it, at what pace, was all up to you! But that also leads me to the thought that I don’t want my son to only like some things about school. If I were to send him to school, I would want him to enjoy all of it. As he has the, what I feel is an advantage, though of not going to school, I am also confident in the fact that he will at least enjoy all of learning. As an adult myself, I can choose what I want or don’t want to do – and I usually choose this based on the whole enjoyment of a thing. I may not enjoy cleaning a house but I still choose to do it because I know I will enjoy my house more when it is all tidy and clean. The same choice should be there for my son, but once in school there isn’t much of that choice unless you don’t mind looking bad because it’s not going to show up good on your records if you decide to only go to a few classes and skip others.

"Most people, most of the time, learn most of what they know about science and technology outside of school." ~ National Science Foundation

Also, I did very well in school. I knew exactly what to do to please others and to pass the test. I have a very good memory for facts and can store what I need to know to pass a test well. Once I take that test though, it’s gone, there is no longer a need for me to hold onto those facts. So really, I can not remember much of what was taught to me in school except for the everyday things I use like basic maths and reading and writing. But even these subjects, without force, can be learned gradual through life’s experiences without having to sit the child down and tell them, teach them how it’s all done. Which also leads to the fact that a lot of what I had to learn in school I have not actually had to use. I am not at all worried if my son has no interest in certain subjects at time goes on, because if he has no interest in them, that tells me he doesn’t need to know it.

"Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind." ~ Plato

Of course I have not covered everything – but perhaps this entry for now is long enough!

"We don't need no education. We don't need no thought control. Hey teacher, leave the kids alone." ~ Pink Floyd

Mens nails

2008-04-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

I do not know what my husband would do without me! For some odd reason, I have to make sure I remind my husband to cut his finger and toe nails...otherwise, they would never get done!!!
The saying is true you know....'Men, you can't live with them, you can't live without them'!

My Brain and something fuzzy

2008-04-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I do these little fun quizzes when I have some spare time. Sometimes I just find them annoying, but I think the ones that 'tell you something about yourself' are kinda fun!

Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

and another one of course :p

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.

You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.

But you sure can beat a good drum.

"Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

...somehow I saw that one coming! lol

What I have lost - and what we have found!

2008-04-11T00:58:00.000-07:00

I am one of four children, all girls, my mother had. I have an older sister and two younger sisters. In order, it looks like this: Misty (six years older than me), Me (1984), Fallon (1985 - 11 months after I was born), Britney(1985 - 11 months after Fallon was born). My mother was sure busy!
Then when I was about three years old though, we were taken into custody by CPS for reasons I do not feel comfortable going into right now. We were put into an orphanage and shortly after put into a foster home. I would say they tried to keep us together, but not many people want to take on four girls at the same time. The first foster home we went into, we were all together but from there, one by one, we slowly were seperated. However, since Fallon and I were so close they did do their best to keep us in contact with one another and so we were.

Britney being the youngest, and still a baby...was adopted right away. They soon changed her name to 'Anna' and cut off all contact. I guess they didn't want her past a part of her new life. Understandable. We just waited. One day she would be an adult and would want to know where she came from.

Well, a few years ago she became that young adult we were waiting for. But we still didn't know where she was. So we decided to do some searching, that is, Fallon and I. Fallon was also adopted but at a much older age and her family did help us to keep in contact. Her 'Father' was once Mayor and has the greater knowledge of how to track someone down once lost. So with his help, we have found our sister!

I am happy and scared and confused at the same time! I want to know so much! I have been through a lot in life and I have lost a lot in life as well. But I have also grown so much through all I have been through and gained so many things as well. Every day I have wondered where my youngest sister was, what she was doing at that moment, what she looked like, what were her favourite things, etc... And now I am so close to gaining something that I have once lost, but her family tried so hard to make a new life for her that, being part of her past, re-conneting with her might not be as easy as we think.

My sister Fallon also found their phone number and gave them a call. I was not there of course, but the gist of the conversation when a bit like this: She first got their confirmation that they were indeed the adoptive parents of 'Anna', once known as Britney. But when she let them know who she was, she said they got all nervous and eventually hung up on her and they told her to leave them alone.

I am very good at putting myself in other peoples shoes. I think this comes with parenting though! So I can understand their concerns. However, we are not a threat to them and we want to let them know this. We know that they know we are not a threat to them but they do have their concerns about other members in our family, like our birth mother, which is totatlly understandable! So my sister Fallon has written them a letter, short and sweet, explaining things and asking them permission for contact so that they know we are not trying to break up their family or go behind their backs and that we just want our sister to be a part of our lives again in some small way at least.

I have also written a letter...but I have not sent it off yet. I do not want themto feel bombarded by it all. So I will give it time. I have waited this long.

So here is to what the future holds! At least I know she is out there and she is well.

Here is the last photo I have of us together as children:

What a conditional world we live in

2008-04-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

And what a shame at that. It really is...
I am not sure what led me to write this bit in my blog today, but I figured it was something that eventually needed covering! I think I will make this link heavy as the links I will provide to a much better job at covering all the bases than I ever could - so please take the time to read them...they are ace!

Welcome to Consensual Living. A world in our house where the love for my child is unconditonal and this is reflected through our actions together as a family. There is no 'Do this and I won't do that...' or 'Dont do this and I will do that...'...there are no conditons set on anything. There are no punishments or rewards (including praise). There really is no need when you parent uncondtionally.

It's hard for many people, especially parents to try and wrap their heads around this idea of consensual living because we live in a very selfish society. The question we most often ask before we act is 'whats in it for me', because if we can't get something out of it for ourselves, whats that point? This is often reflected through how we raise our children...'Be a good girl and I will buy you an ice cream or you can watch your favourite tele show, put your toys away and you can get a sticker on your reward chart and stay up late tonight, throw that toy and you will sit on the naughty chair and you won't get any pudding after tea, yell at me one more time and you will go to your room for the rest of the day and I will throw your dolly away!'...etc...But lets step out of that box we have put our society in and change things for the better.

We are not doing our children any justice by making our love conditonal to them. I really doesn't matter how we think our children are recieving all the information we are giving them, what matters is how they really are recieving that information! When we tell our children 'do this and I will/won't do this to you' they recieve that message we give them by thinking 'when I act this way, mummy/daddy love me and when I don't they don't love me becaues they do this to me or don't do this to me' and/or 'If I do what mummy/daddy want me to do, they will love me' (so you can see here they are thinking of your love as only conditional...They certainly do not think 'Oh I better behave because that's the right thing to do!', though they may even think 'oh I better behave so I can get my reward or avoid that punishment!' whicn may get them to behave for you for the time being, but for their own selfish reasons(getting something or avoiding something they find unpleasant for themselves) and in the long run not really helping them to understand why perhaps we should or should not do something - and that's really not too hard to understand if you can remember your own childhood (I sure can, it was not that long ago!) at all because even I can remember all the 'rewards' and 'punishments' that were dished out to be to be a load of complete and utter bollox! I either just became good at sucking up so I could get something for myself or becamse a very good liar so I could avoid any particular punishment...once again, I was thinking of only myself and not my actions and the affects they had on others, certainly no thinking on any moral or ethical grounds. It's a vicious cycle of 'doing things to' our children. It just creates more selfishnes in our society and never really solves any problem at hand. When it's much more healthy and productive all around for everyone when we 'work with' our children instead. It's a hard step for a lot of people to make because it means changing our perspective on society and the way we form our actions from what we have been brought up to think and believe is right and good and changing how we act and behave towards our children, and other members of the society we live in. But it really is worth it!

I think the main view in our socitey that needs to change in order for people to understand consensual living, is the mainstream view we have on children. I believe the mainstream view is very negative. Many people think that children, as young as a year old are 'manipulative'. Because of this view, the feeling is that we need to control our children or they will not grow up to be good people. Which I feel is why a lot of people who started out with parental practices such as Attachment Parenting (AP) and putting The Continuum Concept (TCC) into practice...are at a loss when their babies are no longer 'babies' but are turning into little people with an independence of their own. Where they seem to branch off into different styles of parenting than from where they once started...and maybe even wonder, where they went 'wrong' when things turn out differently than they had thought (I know I was sure at a loss when my son turned into a toddler! - Which is what led me to consensual living, but some are not so lucky - because I feel very lucky to have discovered CL!). But if we can for a moment put aside this negative view of children, as if they are some other species that needs to be treated differently from us 'adult humans' until they one day earn the same right as the rest of us, and treat them instead with respect as the individuals they are from the start, then we can move on to a more peaceful parental approach with our children as a family together. Once we change that view, then we can realise that yes!, children can turn into the good people they really are without the tyrannical parental approach...it really is amazing!

The more consensual we live, the easier and more peacful I find our household to be. I hope I am creating some small piece of peace to spread out into the world. It's all well and good to sit back and dream of how the world should be one day, or sit back and complain about how things are. But nothing is going to change and its all going to be talk unless we do something about it. Having a child means that it can start with me, here right now and that I can help to do something about it becuase I think it does start with our children! I feel confident in the knowledge that I am raising my son to do the right thing for the right reasons, not just to please others or to avoid a punishment. The world will be a better place and I feel that I am helping to change it for the better. Otherwise none of this would matter would it?...but it does.

Sigh*

2008-04-09T01:03:00.001-07:00

So I was putting the dry laundry away this morning and came across my sons winter hat and mittens. Except you wouldn't know that at first sight based on their size. My husband has managed to put 100% hat and mittens into a warm washing machine becuase this hat that is supposed to fit a four year old child is probably even too small for a newborn - depending on their head size of course... Sigh*
I do appreciate it when he helps out around the house but sometimes it's just better to do things myself. Unfortunatly, I can't do everything. If only there were two of me!!!

Dream homes

2008-04-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

When I am bored and have nothing better to do with my time, I love to daydream...which brings me to daydreaming about my dream home! hehe My friend Julie and I love to go onto 'Rightmove' and filter through all the homes they have up for sale on there saying what we like and don't like about them. It appears that what I look for in my dream home is something 'fresh' and 'modern' on the inside - clean lines, yet 'traditional' on the outside with a large, well organised, enclosed simple to look after garden. Location is just as important to me as the house though, and I would prefer at least 6 or 7 bedrooms. It's a great way to pass the time! Now all we have to do is win the lottery! (heres to wishes!)
Here are some samples of my dream homes!

BBC were right!....(for once)

2008-04-06T01:33:00.000-07:00

It snowed last night! *shock*... Its APRIL! We didn't even get any snow when it was actually winter!
Not much though, but I am still surprised that BBC actually saw that one coming! It is pretty much gone now. You would have only seen it if you were an early riser... and I don't have much choice there! hehe

Conjugatus

2008-04-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

It appears that my husband also has a 'blog'. So here it is.
There is absolutly nothing about family life in there though, so don't bother reading it ;) (though I have just been informed that perhaps you may find something on our family life listed under 'complaints')...however there does seem to be quite a bit about cats and poo for some odd reason...

The Pith of life

2008-04-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

My personal greatest news of the year.....

When my son was born, I swore I never wanted children again. This was mostly due to his birth. Because of his size (10lbs 4.5oz) the fact he was breech (complete) and me being a 'first timer' and ill informed and all - I had the dreaded C-Section. Which wasn't what I had planned at all...obviously! But then when he was around three months of age...I changed my mind! However, my husband was not there yet.
For more than two years I could not drop the discussion of having another child. I did not want another child then and there, but I am an organised person and like to know what is coming up next so I can plan and be prepared...and I just could not get my head around my son being an only child. It just didn't fit. Finally, with no reason not to, my husband agreed to have a second! Just 'when' was the next question.

So we have decided to TTC this December! It's not that long to wait but it does feel like ages for me! However, I would not push that any sooner. With a child already in the family, I feel it's important to include them (their temperment and personality) into the equation when deciding to add to the current family. Most people I know have about a two year gap between children but I feel this is too close a gap - mostly for the first child. If I fall pregnant right away, that will make about a four year gap exactly depending on when the baby is born...that is, before or after my sons birthday because if I fall pregnant in December of this year I should end up with another September baby...or Virgo...hopefully! (as thats the plan really, as much as you can try! hehe)

So here is to hoping! Whilst I wait I am keeping fit, eating right, exercising (which my son makes sure I do everyday! hehe), tracking my fertility and just generally preparing my body and mind for the HBAC I hope I will get with my second. We already have names picked out but I am keeping those a secret for now ;) ....Oh...and this small twinkle in my eye, already has a wardrobe (thanks to ebay! lol)

I am very happy about this decision...now I just need to dig out some patience! hehe
In the meantime....

Well don't get pissed off with me!

2008-04-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

Making a shopping list for my husband, when he offers, is the biggest task in the world! Because if I want him to come home with the right thing, I have to explain every product in detail down to how many grams the product weights and what colour and shape the packaging is... *sigh
So he comes home with cane sugar. And it's a good thing I noticed becuase there is no way I am going to be able to make the biscuits I wanted to make with cane sugar. All I asked for was brown sugar. Well it's still light out so I have sent him back to Tesco to get brown sugar...trust me, its very different from cane sugar. A baker of course would know this...but most ordinary people would as well!
And now of course hes all pissy with me. It's not my fault!

I can knit!

2008-03-31T07:59:00.000-07:00

I am knitting...I am finally knitting! I am doing it and I am so proud of myself!
Much thanks to a great friend of mine, whom I happen to know through a toddler group where she takes her granddaughter, who is taking the time out once a week to come over to my house and teach me how to knit!
I have just finished a scarf for my son! It's very basic, but it's still something!
I love knitting! - It's very addictive... I can't wait to knit more! hehe

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

2008-03-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

Today something happened that made this very quote pop into my head.

I finished work at 17:15 and told Harry to come pick me up at that time before he dropped me off. 17:15 rolls around and no Harry. (Harry is my husband by the way!)
So I start to walk towards home. 17:30 rolls around and no Harry. I think, maybe he is just a bit late. I walk some more in the direction he would be coming. 17:40 rolls around and still no Harry. I start to panic. See...when you have a family your perspective on things change. The first thing that came to my mind was something tragic had happened. Why would he be so late? Before I had a family, this wouldn't have been a thought in my mind - I would have had a more selfish thought and would have just been irritated. I was heading towards the church, as I clean the church ready for the Sunday service on a Saturday. By the time I got down to the bottom of the hill I was convinced something bad had happened and about to let myself go when I finally saw my husbands car. Relief!... But as soon as I got in the car I couldn't contain myself anymore. I burst into tears. My husband apologised and said that they had fallen asleep. It wasn't that though I explained to him - it was that I had thought the worst had happened. It's then you realise how important the people in your family really are and how much it all means to you.

It felt good to cry.

50p education (in the name of autonomy)

2008-03-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I bought this wooden toy for my son from the local charity shop. It was only 50p and what a great find it was!
Today my son played with this toy for about an hour - he was having a great time with it and learning as well! (because at this age, it's all about learning through play...in fact, I feel it's all about learning through play for quite a long time, even still after the standard 'school start' age...which a shame really becuase there just isn't much free playing - true free playing - going on in school...one of the reasons we are avoiding the things like the plague! lol)
In the comfort of our own home (where else could a little nudist be as free? hehe) without any coercion my son had fun playing and learning (though he wasn't aware of it himself!) colours, shapes, numbers, basic maths, sorting, stacking, organising, making patterns of various types, problem solving, creating, building, and pretending! (at one point he was pretending to drill the shapes out of the ground, putting them in his dumper truck and screwing them into place!)
Did I mention hes only 29 months old?

Sprouting

2008-02-29T06:22:00.001-08:00

I have been having fun with sprouting. I guess sprouts (of various types) are really good for you. Not to mention, its easy to do. I almost feel like a cheating gardener! Here are some chick peas that I spouted and used to top off a fresh salad! Sprouting is yummy too!

Where is my son?!

2008-02-28T10:09:00.000-08:00

I was just flicking through the photos on my digital camera when I came across this photo my husband had taken of our son playing in our living room. But where is he? - What can you see in the photo?...Yikes!!!

Gotta love Amazon! - Books books book...

2008-02-22T03:41:00.000-08:00

I got two new books today! I am very excited because I thought my husband had forgotten that I wanted these books. They are recipe books for going on a raw diet and they look great so far!
I got: 'Eat Smart Eat Raw' and 'Raw Foods For Busy People'!
The first book looks the best. The recipes are really simple and there are even really nice pictures and fun facts about nutrition to go with it!
I can not wait to get started!...wonder if I can convince my husband that I need a dehydrator a bit sooner...hehe
I would love it if the whole family went raw!

Going Raw!

2008-02-21T05:56:00.000-08:00

So I guess I am not very good at keeping up with my blog... I think I just go through phases. You can call me fickle if you want to hehe...

The latest on me though: I am going raw! That is right, I am going to go on the raw 'diet' - though it is called a diet, I see it more as a lifestyle. I have been vegetarian now for about 12 years, this is just sort of the next step up. I won't lie, I do have a weight loss goal, so in that respect it is a bit of a diet for me. But my dear husband made the mistake of not taking me seriously and telling me so. The last time someone did that was when I was on the road to becoming a vegetarian and I have told you how long that has lasted so far! hehe The plus side to this though is that if I am still raw by next year, I will get the all fancy £179 food dehydrator: Excalibur 5-Tray Food Dehydrator ...which really is something to look forward to!

Not sure I will go 100% raw at first but I have my shopping list made up and ready and I figured I will be about 90% raw in the least and that is not a very bad start!

A great website helping me on my way: 'Give it to me Raw' :)

My first HE group/meetup tomorrow!

2008-01-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

And I am very excited!
Not long ago I joined a yahoo group called AEUK - you can find it here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AEUK/
From there I got a few emails from other mums who live in the area and attend local home education groups/meetups throught the month!
Not long before this we decided to home educate - for a variety of reasons I can go over later...because at the moment I am a bit tired of it as all of my 'friend' (who are more or less 'mainstream' for lack of a better word) already think of me as 'odd'..its enough to have to try and explain this to them as well over the past few weeks!
So I will be looking forward to going to this group/meetup tomorrow in Gloucester - as it will be my first and I am very much looking forward to meeting other like minded parents with similar mindsets and attitudes towards life, living and of course...learning!

Le ugh weekends

2008-01-19T06:45:00.000-08:00

I hate weekends. Well, everyone does though right?! Basically I work on the weekends. Not because I want to but because I have to in order for us to have any money to do anything with besides our basic needs to live - like food and a roof over our heads. But it's not all bad work. I do 'domestic care' for the elderly. Basically, I go to their homes and help them out. I cook meals for them or do their shopping or even do their laundry. As you can see, I am very useful and have done something 'good' in the world at the end of the day. So it is slightly fullfilling! However - do not say to me "Oh it must be nice to have a bit of time away (from my son, being a SAHM, being a wife...etc...)"...because it's not! As I have said, I work because I have to and not because I want to. Why do people always assume that I work to get away from my life? I love my life. I chose to be here. And it's not all that bad as I want more children! hehe
I also clean the church on a Tuesday and Saturday. But this I can take my son with me. He loves to help out now and always asks for his own sponge to help clean with! Its so cute!
This is a bit boring but I am sure my blog will get more interresting the more I get into it - so bear with me...or bare with me... whatever you are most comfortable with! hehe

Well I guess this is my 'blog'...

2008-01-18T11:23:00.000-08:00

Oh. Well. So this is it! My 'blog'! Yay...I guess! I'll have to fiddle a bit and work some things out. Lets see where this takes me then...